Screaming, Shopping and Sleeping (or not)

On Saturday morning when Janey woke up, Tony was working on our state tax returns. Therefore, he wasn't available for the regular Saturday morning routine.  We hadn't really been aware of how much Janey counted on that routine, but she let us know, that's for sure.

Usually, on Saturday morning, Tony makes Janey bacon.  Then he has his coffee and she "steals" it---a game they've played for years.  He says "I hope Janey doesn't steal my coffee!" and then sets it down, with a little black stirrer straw in it, and she does indeed grab it and steals it.  Then he cries, a huge exaggerated cry.  This goes on for a long time.  We've had her her own coffee (hey, she's twelve, that's pretty late for an Italian to start on a lifelong coffee addiction), but she prefers the stealing method.  She and Tony can make a full morning of coffee, bacon, and then cooking whatever else she asks for---"soup" (which is boiled greens), toast, home fries, whatever.

This Saturday, I tried to hold Janey off until Tony could finish.  I wasn't even able to get started before the screaming started.  I was determined to give Tony the time he needed---he was on a roll.  It was a hellish hour or so.  The screaming...wow.  I write so often about Janey's screaming here, but unless you have heard it, I don't think anyone can quite picture it.  It's truly ear-piercing.  I do think both Tony and I have lost some of our hearing from it. And despite many, many different methods I've tried to reduce it, nothing works consistently.  It's Janey way of saying that the situation is just plain unacceptable, and it really doesn't stop until the situation improves in her eyes.  I finally got through the time by her taking an extended shower---she screamed right up to getting in and screamed as soon as she was out.  Once Tony was done, they did their routine, and Janey was quite happy.  It's times like that that result in us usually just doing what Janey needs done.  We are all happier that way.  But we can't always, always do that.

On Sunday afternoon, after a decent enough weekend when the screaming was past, we took Janey out shopping.  That is something we almost never do, except for quick grocery shops.  She has learned to do very well in the grocery store, as long as she knows she'll soon be eating the food she picks out.  But this was a shop to A.C. Moore (a craft type store) and Five Below (a store where everything costs five dollars or below).  We weren't shopping for any real reason---we just both had the urge to browse around.  And lo and behold, it went quite well!

In the ACMoore, I walked around with Janey for a while so Tony could look around, and it was actually fun---not something I've never really found when shopping with Janey much.  She was interested in a lot of things in the store---some decorative feathers, some plastic models of animals, a wooden heart, a letter "J" to decorate----quite a few things.  I asked her a couple times if she wanted to buy things, but I don't think that's a concept she truly gets except in the grocery store.  It makes her cheap to shop with!  She sees the store as a museum of sorts---a place to look at and sometimes touch things, but not take them home.

While we walked around, I thought to myself "You know, I don't think people are staring like they usually do"  So I started taking note, and yes, they still were staring.  The thing is---I don't notice it much any more.  That's a huge change.  I used to be very bothered by staring, and now, I'm so used to it I don't even see it.  I think that goes along with a general shift in our thinking about Janey.  I'm comfortable enough with her just being who she is that I don't really much care most of the time if other people find her stare-worthy.  If I do notice them, I think I often assume (without really thinking, just letting my mind wander about) that they are thinking she is cool, because that is how I am seeing her.  Or I think "it's great she is educating them about the existence of people like her, autistic older kids and adults" (because she looks fairly close to an adult now)  Whatever it is, I'm glad it happened.  We all live in a world partly made up of our own perceptions, and I like living in the one that doesn't notice or mind the staring.

Janey wasn't too interested in the Five Below, but I bought a few things there, including some ChocoTreasures eggs.  I love Kinder Eggs, chocolate eggs with toys inside, but they are illegal in the US, so I'm happy to have discovered there are similar eggs that are now legal.  I bought a few, ad in the car on the way home I did something stupid---I opened one of them.  It was stupid because Janey and chocolate, after noon, don't mix.  She saw the chocolate right away and asked for it, and instead of saying no, I gave her a little, little piece---about the size of my thumbnail.

And then we re-learned a lesson we should have learned long ago----if Janey has chocolate after noon, she doesn't sleep.  I think it's so hard for me to grasp because it just seems not to make sense.  How could that little an amount of chocolate keep her up?  I think it's especially dark chocolate, which this was.  Usually, Janey is asleep by about seven.  Last night, although she was cheery and happy and willing to stay in her bed, she didn't get to sleep until about 11:30.  Which meant, of course, one of us had to be up too.  Tony has to work in the morning, I don't, and it was also me who gave her the chocolate, so I did most of the duty.  Janey watched her iPad and sang to herself and asked me for cheese and generally just did her thing while I lay next to her, fighting sleep until she finally drifted off.

In thinking about the weekend, a fairly normal weekend, I am struck by something.  So much of how Janey does depends on what we do---whether we follow routines, whether we let starers bother us, whether we stick to rules we've made ourselves about chocolate.  We are all happier if we make Janey's life predictable, relaxed and sleep-at-night promoting.  It's a feedback loop---the more we can do that, the happier she is, and the easier it is to enjoy her and keep her happy.  We can't always get it right, because we are human, and we aren't completely in control of all aspects of life, but we can do our best, and when we do that, instead of expecting Janey to be something she isn't, life with our girl is better for all of us.

Word Retrieval and Blaming The Cat

Yesterday, Janey tripped over a cord when I was vacuuming.  She screamed, and I turned off the vacuum and ran over to her.  She was fine---she didn't fall down, just lost her balance a little.  I started saying the things mothers say when their child is upset "What happened, sweetie?  Are you okay?" Of course I knew what happened, but there's kind of a patter that kicks in at times like that.  What surprised me was what Janey said.  In between tears, she said "Did Merg scare you?"

Merg is one of our cats.  He was nowhere near us at that time, and certainly didn't scare Janey.  I said "Merg scared you?" in surprise, and Janey said "Did Merg scratch you?"  With Janey's usual reversals, she meant of course that Merg scared and scratched her.

This incident made me think about how Janey's issues with word retrieval might be the cause of a lot of her anger and lashing out.  It so often seems like it's very, very hard for her to find the right words and sentences to use.  She knows what she wants to say, but she can't think how to say it.  So instead, she says something that DOES come to mind.  There was a time a few months ago when Merg did scare her, after she pet him a bit too much, and we asked her at that time "Did Merg scratch you?"  He hadn't, but the phrase stuck in her mind.  I'm sure we might have said then "Did Merg scare you?"  When Janey was scared by the tripping, somehow that script came to mind.

So often, Janey asks for things, and then when she gets them, she acts like you have done something very wrong in giving them to her.  I am thinking that many of these times, what she asks for is not what she wants at all.  She'll say "I want bacon!" or "I want Kipper!" when she wants SOME kind of food or SOME show, but not those specific ones.  And we, understandably, try to give her what she asks for, and I can imagine how frustrating that must be for her (and for us).

We have tried using visual aids to help Janey with this, like pictures of various foods or shows.  However, it often seems like the word retrieval is more than just not being able to say what she wants.  It extends to being able to point out what she wants.  She often brings us videos, videos she knows by pictures on them, and then when we put them on, there is again the fury.  Her mind seems to trip her up, like the cord did.  It isn't able to form either a word or a picture for what she really wants, although she knows what she wants in other ways.

It's hard to think of a solution to this problem.  It seems like there are circuits in her brain which just don't allow her to find words or pictures in an straightforward way.  I feel for her so much with this.  I can't imagine what it would be like to want something, to know it's possible to get, but to not be able to find the words to ask for her, or to be able to pick out the right picture, or write the word down, or really communicate in any way what it is that is wanted.

This problem also makes it very easy to unconsciously influence what Janey says.  Sometimes when we are desperately trying to figure out what is wrong, we give suggestions, and Janey grabs at them like a life ring.  For example, if she wakes up screaming, we might say "Do you want bacon?" and she'll echo that---"DO YOU WANT BACON?" So we think we've hit on it, only to make her bacon and see her get even more upset.  Even in the Merg-cat case, something we said months ago popped back up and lead to her accusing Merg of evil-doing he had nothing to do with.

At times, I feel like this problem with being able to communicate is a huge part of what makes Janey challenging.  Other children with autism seem to be able to use communication devices or programs like Proloquo, but I think that is when the problem is more with being able to use verbal speech.  Janey is easily able to form verbal speech---I think the problem is more being able to access in her brain either a word or a picture for what she wants.  And I wish very much I could help her more with this, help her communicate her wants and needs so we could better meet them.

Delight and the Chocolate Bunny/Happy Meal trip

Janey came home from school with one thought in her head "I need a chocolate bunny".  It's the season for bunnies, and Janey is a huge fan.  So, since the weather is finally better and it's not impossible to drive, I decided to surprise her with a "yes", and we jumped in the car for the short ride to the "bunny store" (the Rite-Aid)  On getting back from that little trip, I thought about all the ways Janey had delighted me in that brief time, all the things she had done that make me love her so much.  Let me count the ways...

1.  The love of chocolate bunnies (and Kipper and jumping and bacon and Auntie Carrie and the Beatles and chocolate milk and so many things).  Janey loves the things she loves with a passion.

2.  Her amazing memory.  On the way to the bunny store, Janey sang a song I'd sung her a few months ago, one I'd made up on the fly "Janey wants a chocolate bunny, but MAMA SAID NO!"  I resang it to her with "yes" instead of "no", but she sang back the classic version again.

3.  Her willingness to change plans.  About half way to the store, suddenly her need for a bunny was overtaken by her need for a Happy Meal.  The two are in the same direction, and I guess she realized she actually had a taste for nuggets and fries.  I said that meant we weren't going to get a bunny, and she was fine with that.

4.  Her ability to surprise me all the time.  After getting the meal, Janey again broke into song, this time with "Paperback Writer", from her current Beatlemania.  I never know what she's going to sing next, and I love that.

5.  Her enthusiasm for life.  As we walked in with the meal, she was literally dancing around with excitement.  I love it that something as small as a fast food meal can make her that happy.

6.  The times she shows her typical preteen nature.  This morning, as every day this week, we had to wake her up for school in the morning, due to the time change.  She was not pleased, and gave us that look that says "I wish you were both out of my life" and pulled the covers back over her with defiance.  These times aren't autism meltdowns, they are just Janey showing she is pretty much like any kid who hates being woken up.

Life with Janey isn't easy, much of the time.  But it's always surprising.  It's always full of life.  It's always interesting.  She's a pretty cool person.  We've learned, now that we are on our third child, that children are who they are.  This is independent of autism, or of IQ, or of parenting.  They are born to be who they are.  Janey has traits that we are starting to see more and more which are just Janey.  Some of them are frustrating traits.  She's stubborn, she has a quick temper, she is easily bored.  But all of her traits, the ones that we delight in and the ones that can drive us crazy, are part of her.  Not part of autism---autism doesn't change her personality.  It changes how she can express it, it changes how she interacts with the world, it changes her past and present and future plans and possibilities, but it doesn't change who she is.  And who she is is pretty cool.

The snowiest week in Boston history---some notes

The past seven days have broken the Boston record for snowfall amounts, by 10 inches.  Needless to say, there hasn't been much school---one day out of the last 5.  Janey is home again today.

How is it going?  Well, not as badly as it might be.  Not great, but not terrible.  As an old friend said on Facebook, Janey's in a routine now---a no school routine.  She gets used to things after a while, and the routine now is to have Mama and Freddy and often Daddy home all day, staying in the house all day or possibly taking a little ride.  It's been too cold or too snowy to play outside and enjoy the snow, and even Janey's favorite little walk, to the convenience store near us, is impossible.  So she's home.

What have we been doing?  Janey has gotten back into videos and TV some, which only another autism mother can truly appreciate as a great thing.  It pains me to write that, but it's true.  When you have a child who is interested in very little, it can be extremely hard to keep her happy all day when she's stuck inside, and if she gets too upset watching TV to continue---well, that's a big challenge.  For a while, anything on screen seemed to after a few minutes upset her, but lately, she's watched a full 30 minute video or TV show a few times.

We've been doing a good deal of reading, too.  I love this.  I bought some new Mother Goose books (new to me, on Amazon) and Janey has taken to a few of them.  She loves Mother Goose, as it's predictable, and I love it, as there are so many versions of pictures for them I don't get bored.  We read through a long treasury twice last night, and Janey knows every rhyme by heart.

Tony has been home a lot of the time, and he's done a lot of cooking for Janey.  This is one of her biggest joys.  He makes her homemade chicken nuggets, "celery" (any kind of greens pan-fried), pesto, homemade salsas, eggs, bacon---pretty much whatever she wants.  She loves the whole process.

Of course, there has been some hitting, kicking, biting and so on.  We are still struggling hard to figure out just how to handle this.  For a while, we were having success with time out in the bathroom.  However, Janey has started to like this time out.  The other night, she asked to go into the bathroom (not to use the potty, which she isn't doing lately).  I was trying to get her to sleep, and said no.  So she very deliberately hit me, and then looked at me as if to say "NOW we'll go in the bathroom!"  I said "We don't go to time out in the bathroom if that is what you WANT" which I am sure confused her, but I was half asleep and couldn't think of a better thing to say on the spot.

More, we are realizing that Janey's need for predictable responses extends to her aggressive behaviors, although it's hard to know what to do with this knowledge.  Last week, Tony, Freddy and I were watching the neverending blizzard coverage on TV.  We were all bored of it, but too lethargic to turn it off.  Janey went over and turned off the TV.  This almost always gets a quick response from us, but none of us said a word, because none of us cared.  Janey stood there for a minute, looking at us, and finally said "That was a VERY naughty thing to do!"  We had not followed the routine.  But how do we use this knowledge?  Most of the time, her turning off the TV is NOT something acceptable.  We have to let her know that's the case.  But if she's doing it even partly just to get a response that's predictable, are we re-enforcing that behavior?  Who knows?  What can we do?

Hopefully, there will be school tomorrow.  And that will be an adjustment for Janey once again.  I can't imagine what life feels like for her much of the time.  She doesn't understand so much of it.  Sometimes there's school.  Sometimes there isn't.  Sometimes we can walk to get ice cream or go get a Happy Meal.  Sometimes we can't.  Sometimes turning off the TV is very naughty.  Sometimes no-one seems to care.  Sometimes everyone is awake and ready to cook, to read, to talk.  Sometimes it's dark and nobody wants to do anything.  That is life, but it's very hard for Janey to understand.  When I keep that in mind, the anger and aggression makes a little more sense, but it doesn't make it any easier to handle.

A better weekend, with guesses why

I've said many times that Janey's moods often seem to have no rhyme or reason.  Of course, that doesn't stop me from trying to figure them out.  I have to.  If there's any pattern, I have to try to find it.  I think I do this more with bad moods than good ones, but I'm trying to make more of an effort to figure out Janey's good moods, as after all, they are the moods I want her to have more of.  This weekend was mostly a good mood weekend.  That's not to say there weren't crying moments, or hitting moments, but overall, Janey's mood was quite good.  So...why?

I have a few theories.

One factor might have been that we made an effort to get Janey out of the house for a good period of time each day.  These weren't exciting trips.  They were shopping trips with Daddy, going to a lot of different stores, and a trip to take William back to college.  But when we told Janey she was going to go for a ride in the car, each time, she was thrilled.  She is an easily bored kid at times, and she craves being places other than here.

Another possible factor----I tried, each night and each morning, to outline what the day to come would be like.  I think one problem on the awful day from hell last Thursday was I didn't do enough to explain to Janey why she was home.  I couldn't at night---we got the call about school once she was already asleep, but I think the minute she woke up, I should have explained very clearly that she was going to be home, Daddy was going to be at work, and her brothers were home.  Many people have suggested visual schedules for Janey, and we have tried them, as they have at school, but Janey simply isn't very visual.  I have never once seen her look at a visual schedule unless I directed her to.  But anyone that knows Janey knows that she remembers everything she hears.  She might not give an indication of that, but she listens very well.  So I've started saying each night something like "Tomorrow is a school day.  You will go to school, and Daddy will go to work.  Freddy will go to school, and William is away at his college school.  You will come home, and Daddy won't be home yet.  Freddy will come home, and then Daddy will come home."  I tell it slowly and in parts, and repeat it a lot, and I think this helps Janey know what to expect.  So she knew, this weekend, that Daddy was home and she was home.

We also had sunny weather, which we haven't had much of this winter.  Janey loves the sun.  She somehow remembered a song I can't recall playing for her, Katrina and the Waves singing "Walking on Sunshine" and she sang that a lot this weekend, with a look of joy on her face.

We also, as much as possible, gave Janey a lot of concentrated attention.  For whatever reason, she is no longer much interested in TV or videos.  I'm sort of glad about that, but I admit, we got used to that being a lot of her day.  So we are needing to step up to the plate and fill in that time.  Luckily, Janey has gotten very into books lately.  This is a dream come true for me.  We spent a large part of the weekend reading.  She loved hearing "McElligot's Pool", an old Dr. Seuss book, and we read a lot of other Dr. Seuss books.  We also played toys a lot.  I put all of Janey's toys in one big huge bag, and started doing something I call The Lucky Dip---just grabbing a handful of them and playing with what I get.  This keeps us from getting too stereotyped with the play, which is good because if you do something once with a toy, that becomes for Janey what always must be done with it, and she gets upset if I change the routine.

Food, of course, also helps.  Daddy gave Janey huge amounts of food she likes, mostly in the morning, which is her preferred schedule.  The bacon, chicken, greens and pesto were flowing freely.

And, maybe, the mood stablizer is doing something.  I don't know.  It's so hard to isolate out what medication might be doing or not doing, just like it's hard to figure out if anything I've written here had anything to do with Janey's mood, or if she just somehow internally felt happier.

You will forgive me if say that I don't think the mood will last.  I can hope it will, but that is not usually the case.  I think the best we can do is try to figure out how to extend the good moods when they occur and to shorten the bad moods when they happen.  So I'd be thrilled if this mood lasts a few days into the school week, even!

Another New Year's Eve, and a look back

I decided to look at my last post of each year since I started this blog, when Janey was 3.  It was an interesting exercise.  A couple things struck me.  One is that I kept, each year, desperately looking for progress, finding signs of it, listing them and then, the next year, without realizing, listing the same things again.  The progress ebbs and flows, but it doesn't seem to really be a forward line.  Another thing is that the end of the year has been a quite tough time a few of the years.

2008 Last Post of the Year Link

In 2007, I'd just started the blog, and didn't really write any year end post.  At that point, this blog was more of a diary. 2008 was a lot the same.  Strangely, what I wrote for the last post there sounds like it could have been written about the past few months---hitting the TV, biting, scratching.  Janey was only 4 then, and so the behavior was easier to handle, but it's a little startling to see it started then, with quite a few years in between that she has less acting out.

2009 Last Post of the Year Link

Janey's love of Christmas music hit that year, and it's fun to read about that.  I was starting to realize how severe Janey's intellectual disability was, and how her talking was very limited.

2010 Last Post of the Year Link

Janey was 6 that year.  It was a tough year, the year she had such a terrible time around June, and we started her on medication.  I reflected about the lack, once again, of a miracle breakthrough, and was starting to see it wasn't ever coming.

2011 Last Post of the Year Link

I was a little more upbeat that year, the year Janey was 7.  I remember that as one of the better years.  I went back to the theme of how limited the progress was, but I also wrote about cute things she was doing.  We were learning to enjoy our little girl as she was, not for what we were hoping she would become.

2012 Last Post of the Year Link

Another fairly good year, when Janey was 8.  I reflected on realizing that I was the one who knew her best, and I was encouraged by her increased understanding of our talking, and her communication, although talking wasn't how most of it was done.  I mentioned toilet training, surely thinking we were finally on our way (we aren't, and I now think we never will be)

2013 Last Post of the Year Link

A very downbeat post.  The end of last year was awful---the whole year was the start of the new reality, that Janey was getting older and things were getting tougher.  She was becoming increasingly unhappy, and I was feeling increasingly pessimistic.

And that brings us to now, 2014.  It's been quite a year, as most of you know.  The two big events were Janey changing schools and her hospitalization.  She switched this year from the inclusion classroom and school she'd been in since 3 to an autism only classroom in an autism wing of another school.  Much of that went fairly well, and in fact the time from about May-October was overall good, with Janey having a pretty nice summer and even going to the amazing Camp Fatima overnight.  However, we will most remember November this year, when Janey's self-injurious and lashing out behaviors increased to the point that she spent 24 days in two hospitals.

Where are we right now?  Right now, today, Janey is in a fairly good mood.  We are thinking her new medications might be doing something, although we've had kind of an off and on pattern of good days and not as good days.  Janey is Janey.  I think less, these days, of progress, and more of just learning how to best be a mother to the Janey I have.  She is an amazing person in so many ways.  We continue to enjoy her love of music.  Just today, we listened as she heard three new songs (we've been listening to a classic rock countdown) and sang them back, all perfectly, within minutes  She and Tony have a special morning routine any day he's not working---bacon and pan-fried vegetables all morning.  She uses the computer with ease to watch videos she likes.  She is getting tall and remaining beautiful.  Yet we are on alert all the time.  We knew at any minute, she might rage and bite us or scratch us.  We know that good days are to be treasured because there will be bad days, and they might be very bad days.  We love our Janey.  We despair over her, often, but we delight in her often too.

Here's a year end picture of my girl, and my year end wish to all of you.  Might you all have a 2015 where the happy moments outnumber the sad, and may you all have moments of true, pure joy in your special children, the moments that keep us all going.  My love to all of you.

The Month That Wasn't

It's been a month today since the day that I got the call from Janey's school, the call that they were calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital.  It's been a month that in many ways, I would like to erase from my life.  In other ways, it's been an important month---in some ways, even a good month.  But I think it's fair to say I hope I never have another month like this one.

Here's a little synopsis of the month.  Janey's behavior, which had been escalating for a week or so, got even worse on November 14th.  I rode with her as she went by ambulance to Children's Hospital in Boston.  In the emergency room, she was assessed and it was determined she needed hospitalization in a psych ward for children.  There were no appropriate placements available right way, so we spent 6 days at Children's as boarders, waiting for a placement.  We got one after those 6 days at Bradley Hospital in Providence, and Janey was there for 18 days.  She came home after that, when they felt she was stable enough to leave.

Those are the bare facts, stripped of emotion.  Here's some of the emotion.  The stay at Children's was hell.  I can never think of another word to use for it.  The 28 or so hours in the emergency room were the deepest, darkest levels of hell, and the next 5 days in a room on a kidney transplant ward were regular hell.  Janey wasn't able to leave the room, was periodically attacking the nurses, the sitters who sat in the room and me.  She screamed extremely often, asked frantically for one thing after another we couldn't do, and slept poorly.  I don't think I'd survive another 6 days like those.  The stay at Bradley was in some ways a relief and in other ways not.  The drive to Providence was often very, very tough, both in terms of traffic and in terms of giving us time to think what we were doing---visiting our precious daughter in a locked psych ward.  The visits with her were both wonderful, because we missed her so much, but also awful, because in what was a theme for the month, we were not supposed to leave the room with her, and she would quickly become bored of us and restless.  It would become a situation where either we saw her for far shorter than we wished or we risked setting her off into a spiral of a meltdown.  Having her home, although joyous, led us to see nothing had really changed.  Janey has been often very unhappy the 5 days since she's been home, although there have been good times too.  A few days ago, she attacked my father, in a frightening repeat of what started this whole time.

What has been good?  Well, we got a letter yesterday saying we had been approved for state supplemental insurance for Janey, so going forward, we might be qualified for help with therapy and things like pull-ups.  I need to work on getting that all set up, but it's something we probably should have done years ago.  Janey is off two of the three medications she had been taking, and we are seeing some improvement in her talking, which leads to the upsetting thought that she may have been overmedicated for a while, but in trying to be positive, also means she might be no longer overmedicated.  And the greatest good part--the absolutely overwhelming and incredible support, in so very many ways, from all of you, all my friends who read this blog---those I know in person and those I know through the magic of the internet.  You are a wonderful bunch of people, and you let me live through this.  I mean that with all of my heart.

What are our fears?  We have many fears.  The biggest is that Janey is going back to school tomorrow, if everything goes well.  Her school has been wonderful, and they are eager to have her back, but we truly feel everything might repeat itself.  I have no confidence Janey is going to be able to not repeat the behaviors that started all this.  We have realized places like Bradley are not set up to change the future.  They are set up to deal with children in crisis, during the crisis, and they do a outstanding job with that.  But they are not set up to change the child.  I am not sure it's possible to do that, to be fair to them.  I don't think I'll ever relax again while Janey is at school.  I will always be waiting for another call like that horrible one a month ago, a call saying she is out of control and they think she should be in the hospital.

I will close with right now.  Right now, Janey is happy.  She is having bacon that Daddy is making---bacon made by the best father in the world.  We are looking forward to getting a Christmas tree today.  We are together, our older son William will be home from college soon, and we will celebrate Christmas and look toward 2015 with hope.  And that is enough, for right now.

A slice of the non-sleeping life

In the ever-cycling parade of moods that is Janey, we have come back to one of the toughest---Non-Sleeping-Girl.  It's only been two nights so far, and I'm hoping it is a short-lived mood, but it's rough.  And I have to give credit where credit is due---it's much tougher on Tony than me, because he is far better at staying awake and taking care of Janey in the night than I am.  Let's have a little slice of life from last night...

7pm---Janey goes to sleep, after having been up (and cheerful) since midnight.  Tony was up with her from midnight on Tuesday night into Wednesday.

3:30am---Janey wakes up, ready to party.  Superhero Daddy attempts to care for her, but is just too tired, and wakes up Slacker Mama.

4 am---Slacker Mama gets up with Janey.  Janey tempts her with saying "want to snuggle?"  Mama pictures a nice back to sleep time.

4:01 am---Janey is back up.  She wants ketchup.  She wants Kipper.  She wants cheese.  She wants Daddy.

4:02 am---Mama doesn't respond quickly enough.  Janey takes matters into her own hands and opens the door to the bedroom where Daddy has been trying to sneak in some sleep, and wakes him back up.

4:03 am---Mama tells Janey to leave Daddy alone, and goes to get Janey some ketchup.  Mama takes a millisecond too long.  Janey screams as loudly as she can.  Mama tells Janey it's time for the screaming room.  Janey looks excited and rushes into the screaming room (aka---the bathroom).  Mama reflects that the once promising screaming room approach to Janey's screaming no longer works at all.

4:15 am---Janey says "All done screaming!" after some good times in the screaming room.  We leave.  Janey screams loudly.  We got back.

4:30 am---out of the screaming room.  Janey goes to wake up Daddy again.  Daddy's saint-like patience is at an end, and he asks Mama to PLEASE keep Janey from waking him up again.  Mama says she will try her hardest.

5 am---after trying her hardest for a solid half hour, Mama suggests to Janey that they "snuggle down", which has been known in rare occasions to lead to sleep.  Janey happily snuggles down, and Mama instantly goes to sleep.

5:02 am---Janey goes to wake up Daddy.  Daddy gives up and gets up.  Mama hears him and says she is sorry every way she can think of.  World's Best Daddy and Husband tells Mama to just sleep.  His voice has only the slightest hint of anything but calm.

5::03 am on---usually morning routine of Mama drifting in and out of sleep while Daddy makes Janey bacon and makes himself and Mama coffee, the blessed substance without which we would all be done for.  And another day begins in earnest.