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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Dream Alert!

The dream alert is for a certain friend of mine, who will remain nameless, who often reads my blog and doesn't like to hear dreams.  Okay, you know who, stop reading right now!  And for anyone else who might share her odd dislike of hearing other people's dreams, stop now too!  But blogs are nothing if not self-indulgent, so I'll go on and tell anyone who is still listening about the dream I had last night.

In the dream, Janey was attending some kind of early intervention.  She was younger than she is now, but not under 3, which is the age for real life EI.  The program was held on a sledding hill.  There was a place for parents in a little lodge above the hill, with lots of windows so you could look out and see your kids.  Some of the parents were on the slope with the kids and some were in the lodge room.  I got Janey suited up for sledding (in some high top sneakers, for some reason) and held her hand, ready to take her sledding with the parents that were with their kids.  Then one of the EI workers stopped me and said in a fake cheerful voice "I'll take Janey.  You just relax and sit there and talk with the mothers.  She'll do fine, won't she, Janey?" I knew she was saying this because she thought I was overprotective and that Janey would do better without me.  I didn't agree, but being the type that doesn't like to argue, I let her take Janey and went up to the lodge.  We all got talking and I was feeling pretty relaxed, when all of a sudden, Janey walks into the lodge.  She is holding a hack saw.  I grab the saw.  I'm filled with fury.  I ask the other mothers to watch Janey and run down to talk to the EI workers.  I scream at them "You thought I was so overprotective, but you don't understand Janey!   You can't take your eyes off her for a SECOND!  You weren't watching her! No-one saw she had a saw, no-one noticed she had left the hill and come up to the lodge, no-one was WATCHING HER!"  I was hysterical.  They talked to me in "calm this crazy lady down" voices, and I demanded to talk to the woman in charge.  She was really something---acting like I was being totally unreasonable and crazy and silly.  It never came up to ask why a hack saw was lying around where little kids were playing---you know how dreams are.  I wound up going back up, getting Janey, and telling all the other mothers how horrible the program was, and storming out.  The dream was dramatic enough that I was screaming out loud in my sleep---sleep talking being something I do a lot of.  Tony knew to ask me what upsetting dream I had when I woke up.

Dreams often don't mean much, but I'm trying anyway to figure this one out.  It isn't much like my real life----Janey is watched very well at school, and I have never once seen a hack saw lying around there.  And I don't scream like that at people.  I probably wouldn't even do that in the dream situation, although I'd be justified doing so, I think.  If this dream has a meaning, it might a reflection of my fears for the future, my fear of Janey some day being in a situation where she isn't understood and where what I know about her as a parent isn't acknowledged.  It might have been triggered by my reading of the "Far From the Tree" book, and hearing about how it can be hard for parents when their kids become adults, and where any kind of letting go and having a life outside of the child is fraught with danger for the child.  Maybe I was preparing myself for fights I might some day have to fight.  Who knows?  I woke up upset and shaky.  And glad that dreams, for now, are not reality.


mknecht24 said...

I've had similar dreams. Your brain is playing out the worst case scenario for you. For a worrier like me, I like to plan out my reaction to a crisis. Plus, I'd like to scream at a few people which is perfectly acceptable in dreams.

Suzanne said...

That's probably it. I was thinking it felt pretty freeing to be able to just scream like a maniac at people that deserved it without it counting. And I'll be ready should Janey ever find a hacksaw while sledding. Good to be prepared.

sara said...

I carry around a big old bag of repressed anger about things society/other people haven't done to my daughter yet but that I think they someday will. Kids making fun of her, teasing her, hurting her, shunning her, other parents encouraging their kids to shun her or asking me in front of her what's wrong with her...stuff like that. No one has ever done anything like that to her yet, but then again she's in those protected preschool/daycare years. I fear elementary school like you would not believe - in my mind is just one big bully session for anyone who is different. Maybe your dream is about fears for the future.