More hands in front of eyes

Janey is really getting into the visual stim type thing. It upsets me a lot to see---it interests her more now than most anything. I find her often when I am not completely engaging her off in a corner with her hands over her eyes like glasses, looking at things that way. It's scary that she loves to do it so much. But on the other hand, some good talking lately. Last night she walked all around the house saying what she saw---"I see my computer, I see the TV, I see the cram-raw (camera)" etc. The way she says things she doesn't usually say is so different than how her usual talking is, it's slowed down and in a whole different tone, that is how the "cram-raw" was said. The other day I put new sheets on my bed, and she wanted so much to comment on it. You could also see the wheels turning, and finally she said "you have a snowman blanket". Actually, it was sheets with snowflakes, but I certainly got her point. It's nice she does still try to communicate.

Hands in front of eyes

Janey is doing something I guess is technically called "stimming" a lot. She holds her fingers in front of her eyes and looks at them, moves them around and looks at light and dust through them. She also makes them into circles and uses them like telescopes. It's more and more of the time. I hate to see it---it's like she is fading away in front of me when she does that. I don't know how to keep her from doing it. Today I tried doing it with her, making it a game and talking to her about it, but I don't think that did much. I am resorting now and then to pulling away her hands and saying "don't do that" but I doubt that does a thing.

She did today remember I told her days ago that one of her toys needed new batteries. She brought it to me and said "It's broken. It needs batteries."

I tried toilet training stuff a lot this morning---putting her in just leggings so she could pull them down easily, putting her on the potty a lot---nothing. She did run into me after wetting all over the kitchen floor and her leggings and said "I can't pee in the potty"----yup, I noticed that, Janey. Probably a very encouraing connection but sometimes I get tired of encouraging and just want actual results!

Reading differently

Today a caseworker from the Department of Mental Retardation came to see me, just to introduce herself. She was very nice, and gave me some good info to look over. I noticed how well Janey responded to her when she asked Janey things in a very animated and sort of insistent voice. Later this morning when I was reading a book to Jane, which can often be hard as she gets upset if anything seems amiss in the reading, I asked her about some animals in the book in a loud and excited way "Janey, what's that there? What is it? What is it? What is it? WHAT IS THAT?" which I would not think would have been good, and Janey did look at me like I was crazy, but then answered excitedly too. I guess I can learn new tricks.

I felt happy dropping Janey at school today. She was actually paying attention to another girl, who was twirling around, Janey laughed at her and tried to imitate her (but called her Janey and not her name!) Then when that girl's mother was asking her to think of other people in the class whose names started with J, Janey spoke up and said "Roxie!" who IS a girl in her class, but not a J one---can't have everything! Then when it was time to go in, the little boy who is so good to her took her hand and walked her down the steps and she never looked back. It was a day that I felt like inclusion IS the answer.

Hello Kitty again

Janey never tells me about school. I live for the little scraps I hear from her teachers, as otherwise the day would be a total blank to me. When she does talk to me after school, it's to say something like she did today "Hello Kitty hurt me!" I assume it's part of the fantasy life that the other day involved Hello Kitty's restaurant, but I always wonder-----did some kid with an Hello Kitty backpack hurt her? Is she trying to explain something else to me that I just don't get?

We visited friends after school, with a 3 and 2 year old---extra bright kids, and it was hard to see how very little Janey interacts with them. The 3 year old kept wanting to show her things or have her talk to him, and unlike adults he wasn't subtle---he would just yell in her ear "JANEY! LOOK AT ME! TALK TO ME!" but she could completely ignore him. She is sure good at ignoring at times.

What does it mean?

Janey woke me up this morning in one of her favorite ways---repeating a phrase. This time it was "Look at that Hello Kitty restaurant!". She must have said it 100 times, in a loud ringing voice, using exactly the same tone. I tried hard to branch things out a little and ask questions---where is this restaurant? What are you going to order there? Do they have pasta there? Is Hello Kitty the waitress? I tried just playing along, that we were at an Hello Kitty restaurant and were ordering. I tried getting her Hello Kitty books and toys and playing with them. But nothing really engaged her. She just kept saying the phrase. It's a good example of how she uses language. She talks clearly and mostly grammatically, but usually without much meaning anyone can figure out.

Screaming night

Janey had one of her screaming crying nights last night. About 6 she started to whimper, and then it turned into full blown screaming and crying for hours. Her nose was running a little which sometimes makes her crazy. She kept saying "Don't push Jhondell" (a boy in her class) so maybe she pushed him or he pushed her, and it kept flashing back,but it's hard to say. After a couple hours of crying my patience is just gone. Tony finally took her in her sleepers for a ride in the car until she fell asleep, and she slept all night well and is still asleep. I can take almost anything but the non-stop crying.

Today she starts after school. It's hard because I can't really explain it to her. I did the best I can but I am sure she has no clue. I hope it's not a disaster. We get it for free, one of the few benefits ever we have gotten from the state, mainly because I never apply for them, just another form of denial, but also because we are above poverty level, but don't make enough to actually afford anything on our own.

Oh, well. Janey's talking isn't bad lately. She has started using people's names a lot when talking,like saying "Mama, I want cheese-its!". yesterday she was talking about a snowman, and I asked her where it was, and she actually SHOWED me---it was painted on an advent calendar thing we have!

Manic Crazy Times

The last few days have been tough with Janey. She has been happy at school, that's the good part. But she is really being crazy other times. We went to a friend's house a few days ago. It was going fairly well---we went for a long walk and she played (or ignored) the 3 and 2 year old. Then we had supper there---I should have known that was too long to stay. During supper for no reason at all Janey got up and started strangling the 3 year old in total fury. She didn't of course have strength to hurt him really but it made me sick to see. I yelled at her and grabbed her and put her in time out, which she enjoys because it's just sitting there. Then when I said she could get up she went right back to the boy and did it again, but this time yelling "I'm sorry!" I didn't really finish dinner, just got out of there.

Last night was awful too. She cried for hours without stopping, except now and then to relive me yelling at her "STOP! You are in TIME OUT!" in my tone. Then she got manic and was dancing around the house, jumping up and down and singing very loudly. Finally I did get her to sleep but neither Tony or I got much sleep.

Sometimes I just don't know how we are going to handle her when she is bigger. I guess I just live on hope it will get better. I have told so many people that 4 is the hardest year, based on William and other kids I have known. I hope it's true.