No news good news?

I haven't written in a bit, and mostly, that has been because things have been going pretty smoothly, which shouldn't keep me from writing! I know I should write about the better times too! Janey has been very happy so far at school this year. She seems to fit in very well with her new class. I loved the kids in her old class, but I think they saw so much of the tough Janey times that they were a little wary of her, and also tended to treat her like a younger sibling. These new kids are mostly a little younger than HER, and haven't known her right along, and Janey is actually making friends! She's always had kids be friends to HER, but she is being a friend back! She actually walks off down the hall to her class with other little girls, and plays with them from all reports, and even says their names when prompted, and sometimes when not, at home. It thrills me. She is talking more about school, or more, answering questions about school. She will say what room number she is in, and say "Ms. Allie" when we ask her teacher's name (Ms. Allie is the para that works with her the most, and she is so wonderful with Janey). Ms. Samuels, the regular ed. teacher, says Janey has asked her to play Miss Mary Mack all her on her own (another wonderful sweet person in the room) and the sub. special ed teacher seems great. It's all coming together so well. Ms. Janet, the speech therapist, is just thrilled with what she sees Janey doing this year. It's great to see the happiness she brings to the people she works with, as I think they can see the fruits of a lot of years of frustrating and sometimes non-rewarding word. And at home, it's so exciting to hear actual sentences now and then. Today, when Tony didn't jump up to fill her request, she said "Daddy, I WANT some PASTA!" Later, when the phone rang, she said "That would be the phone" I think she got the wording from Kipper. When I tried to put some pants on her she doesn't like, she said "NO, I don't want the pants!" All three just examples I can remember from today.

Of course, all is not perfect. This weekend, along with the great talking, we were seeing a return of the tantrums and some crying. It made us realize how smooth things have been for a few months. We went yesterday to dinner at my friend Christine's house, and Janey usually loves it there and is well behaved, but last night she was not. She kept demanding things, crying, and at one point threw a toy hard across the room. I am coming down harder on her for things---making her pick up the toy, put it away and say "sorry" to Christine. I think now that I am feeling she is understanding things a bit more, I need to work on the things I have sort of neglected. We for a few years now have gotten her pretty much what she asked for, in terms of food or drink. This is because she talks so little that we wanted her to learn that asking for something verbally is worth it---that it actually has a result. But I think she understands that now, and I am more often saying "Not right now" or "no". Maybe this is bringing on the increase in tough behavior. I am also working more on trying to get her to tell me why she is crying. Mostly I just try to get her to say "angry" or "sad". Last night at dinner I took her outside and asked her if she was sad, and she said "ANGRY" and then added on her own "Angry at MAMA". I asked her why, and she actually answered, and said "NAILS!" I don't know what she meant, though, I hadn't cut her nails recently and I don't know what other nails she was talking about, but it was something to hear anyway.

She is looking older and getting taller. Often now people who don't know her ask her questions like you would ask any six year old. I am never sure what to do. Sometimes I answer for her, sometimes I try to repeat the question in a way she will understand (although it's a shot in the dark to hope she answers at all) and sometimes after a few questions I say "She is autistic and doesn't talk much, but you never know!" just to not make them feel silly for having asked or anything. Sometimes it's a little sad thinking that they are asking perfectly normal questions to ask a child her age, and to me they seem impossibly difficult---like someone asked her yesterday "Do you have school tomorrow?". She has no clue what days are school days and what days aren't, to say nothing of holidays. Or they ask what she likes to do at school, or if she likes school. I look at the 1st graders who she used to be in class with, and it just astonishes me that they can chat away about all kinds of things, and are starting to read and write and add. Even though I had two kids who did those things at that age---it seems seems almost like a miracle that any child can. But we can celebrate her little steps.

Another year of kindergarten

Janey's teachers talked to me yesterday about having Janey repeat kindergarten. I had figured she would repeat a grade or two at some point, but was kind of thinking it would be later on, but it makes a lot of sense to do it now. The only thing that really got me was that she won't be with the same kids. I really, really love some of the kids in her class. They are used to her and good to her, and it's a big part of why I like inclusion. But I know it's a huge jump to 1st grade. If Janey wasn't making any progress at all, I would figure the grade didn't matter and would say I wanted her just to stay with her friends, but lately she seems to be making progress. She is recognizing at least the letter "A", is sometimes showing she knows the difference between 1 and 2, she has been very happy this last month, and so it all makes sense. I love her teachers and I feel happy they want to have her in their class again, and are not in a hurry to move her along. So I agreed to have her repeat. There is a tiny part of me which makes no sense but still feels upset she is "repeating a grade". It's stupid because obviously she is not really going to be doing the same work as the other kids, and she won't understand the difference and indeed will be happy to be in a familiar place, but I have to be honest and say it feels a little sad somehow. But I won't have to worry over the summer about how the next year will go.

Off to kindergarten

It's the big day, the day I must admit I've been waiting for since December 26, 2003 (when we realized we would have a 3rd child!)---all three kids are in school all day! The morning went fairly smoothly. Janey had some cranky and upset moments this morning, but that's not rare. When we were getting in the car, she said "I want to go to Christine's house", a place she loves to go and I guess something she wanted to do more than go to kindergarten. I said "Are you a little nervous?" and she said "A little nervous, Janey". Once she saw the school, she seemed happy, though. We met 3 kids who are new (weren't there for K0 or K1) who will be in her class (all seemed regular ed) and talked to lots of old friend teachers. This marks the start of my 10th year with a child at the O'Hearn (except for now it's the Henderson). It was great to be able to drop Janey off with no qualms. We barely even stayed in the classroom---I thought I'd make room for new parents who didn't feel as confident as I did. I am excited and nervous for Janey. I know she will chew her shirt, get wet or dirty from her diaper, freak out about things, etc...but I know it will all be handled by the school, and that she's in a place she is loved and cared for.

Kindergarten tomorrow

Janey starts kindergarten tomorrow. We went to an open house on Thursday and as always after spending time at the O'Hearn (now the Henderson), I felt very happy. Everyone at all who is involved with Janey came in Room 5 to see us, and to welcome Janey back, and to talk about their plans for this year. I couldn't ask for more in that way. It's one thing that's good about inclusion. If she was in a class of all autistic kids, she would not stand out as much and not get as much attention and positive interactions. Of course, she would be getting more specialized education, so it's so hard to know what is best. But I love the feeling of knowing that she is with people who adore her all day. In my gut, I feel like that is the most I could want. I know there are at least 6 or 7 people there who love her like a daughter. I like her new room. Most of the kids from K1 I wanted to have with her are there, and a few that I didn't, aren't. It's just a nice room. She will have Ms. Samuels as her regular ed teacher, who Freddy had too and who I really like, and Ms. Elmaus as her special ed teacher, who I don't know well but I met and liked a lot too. Still, I have so many worries. I hope she learns. She hasn't learned much yet, in terms of things concrete that you could test for, like colors and numbers and letters and shapes.

She did some good talking today. She wanted us to play catch with her cat, a cotton knit cat we tie up into a ball and throw, so she said "I want to play catch with my kitty, Janey", a nice long sentence. She almost always adds Janey at the end, sort of her own tag to let us know the sentence is about her.

The sudden rages are getting more and scarier, though. She will be perfectly happy, and then something happens that isn't what she wanted or expected, and she screams, bits things, cries---all this happens within a minute. I think it will help if she can tell us what is wrong, although we might not always be able to fix it.

I am glad for little things. For years, she would bring me yohgert to have me feed her, and I would say "I need a spoon, get a spoon" and of course she wouldn't. Just the last few weeks, she brings the yohgert WITH a spoon. It finally clicked.