Games with Janey

One of the challenges with Janey is finding ways to play with her.  Playing keeps her engaged, and it gives us a chance to work on turn taking, speech, imagination---and most importantly, I want her to have fun!  But like a lot of things I try to do with Janey, it's easier said than done.  Actual, structured games like board games are beyond Janey.  Often I resort to baby type games with her, like patty cake or Here We Go To Boston or even basic peek-a-boo.  But Janey's not a baby, and although she enjoys those games, they don't have a lot of scope for expansion.  Imaginative play doesn't really work.  Janey doesn't get it, and since doing real things like using the phone are not something she can do, pretending to use the phone or pretending to put a baby to bed or so on are not fun for her.  If you don't get what you are pretending, it's hard to pretend.

There's a few things that work.  One is playing catch.  Janey loves to catch and throw balls.  She's no expert, and she misses most of the time when catching, but that doesn't bother her.  She's not that bad at throwing!  I crocheted a ball out of yarn and stuffed it, for safe in the house play, and the other weekend all 5 of us had a very good time tossing it around.  We play with balloons sometimes too, and kick a ball around outside on occasion.  Another favorite of Janey's is one she plays mostly with Freddy---the "I'm going to get you!" game.  He chases her around yelling "I'm going to get you!" and then catches up with her and grabs her shoulder and says "I got you!"  She screams in excitement and then runs off again, turning around now and then to say "I'm going to get you!" to spur Freddy on.

The cats provide us with a lot of entertainment, and I am really pleased that lately Janey seems to notice them a lot more.  She likes gently patting them, and she LOVES the game where I pretend they should be able to talk.  When I tell them to say hi to her, she laughs and laughs.  I think on some level she gets it---cats can't talk, but I'm telling them to talk!  She probably relates to that quite a bit.  And I can get out a little frustration with what I say to the cats "Now, come on, Ash!  You could at least say 'Hi' to Janey!  Be polite and say hi to her!"  The cats never do, so we settle for them giving Janey a high five.  That game can keep her happy for long, long periods, until the cats get fed up and leave.

Last night we had a long round of another of her favorites---Ghost.  This means just putting a blanket over her head or mine and saying we are a ghost.  It actually allows a lot of work on skills.  I can ask Janey if she wants to be the ghost next or if she wants me to, I can give her ideas what to say as a ghost (mostly OOOOOOOO, but we mix it up a little with some "I've come to haunt you!" and so on), we can work on pretend and real when I pretend I really think Janey is a ghost, and then she takes a blanket off and I made a big deal of being relieved it's just my sweet Janey.  We can easily involve other people by going in to scare Freddy or William while they do homework.  And I can introduce words---last night we worked on "double" and "two" by being a double ghost together---the scariest kind of ghost of all, I used to always say when the boys were a double ghost to scare me, back in the day!

As fun as the few games Janey get into can be, it's also frustrating work to play with her.  She never introduces new twists on her own.  She'd be happy if I just played peek-a-boo with her for hours on end.  I have to be very careful to try to vary what I say during games, or it becomes a fixed piece of echolalia forever associated with that game, and she gets upset if I don't say the right thing.  And perhaps the hardest part is that Janey rarely seeks out playing.  She'd  probably frankly be happier if I just mostly left her alone to watch a video or bite on a biteable toy.  It can start to feel like a one-man show playing with her after a short time.  But I do have to believe it's valuable time.  Even if she learns nothing from playing, if she's enjoying herself and enjoying my company for a few minutes, that's a plus.  That's what we want our kids to have as part of their childhood---happy interactions with their parents stored somewhere in the memory banks.  I hope Janey's brain has a place with that kind of memory.

Home today, ups and downs

Mostly things lately have felt positive with Janey. I managed to contact someone about a big autism study at MGH, and will most likely be part of it, which will result in Janey (and the boys) getting some very good evaluations. Janey has been talking a lot. One day especially on the way to school she impressed me. She said "There's the Dunkin Donuts!" (which is right across the street but which she has never commented on before). Then a bit later "The ice cream place is gone!" Actually, they had a new sign so they looked quite different, but were still there! I told her that, and she said "The ice cream place is OPEN!". Then I pointed out the Chinese place, and she said "The Chinese restaurant is OPEN!" I hadn't said restaurant, so I was happy with that! For years she has been totally quiet on the ride to Dorchester, so it was wonderful to hear her talk.

Today I kept her home as it was so cold. It's been off and on. She explored her diaper which was dirty---that hasn't happened in a while. She also was getting obsessed with reading a book about The Three Little Kittens. I got out a book of fairy tales she got for Christmas and read a story while she screamed. By the end she had calmed down and was sort of listening, so I read another later with less screaming. I also played catch with her for a while, again, ignoring her protests until she calmed down. I guess I have to accept she is never going to WELCOME new or changes in activities, but she still needs them and likes them usually after a while. It's just hard to make myself do something which I know will make her cry. I've always been a sucker for crying. I overheard Freddy telling William when they were about 8 and 5 "Just cry about making cookies and you know Mama will make them if you cry!" Guilty as charged.

It is hard when she does bizarre things. Today I caught her taking dirty corn chips out of the trash and trying to eat them. She just doesn't catch on to things that you would not think you would have to explicitly teach, like that food in the trash is yucky. I always have to be on guard. But I have more hope most days she WILL learn.