As a tribute to Mad Magazine, Snappy Answers to Stupid (or at least uninformed) Questions!

"Does she go to school?"

This one can still surprise me a lot, especially if it's asked by anyone under 70 or so.  Of course she goes to school.  Since 1975, all children go to school.  Are there still people who think that kids like Janey just have to stay home?


"But she'll live independently someday, won't she?"

Well, no.  She won't.  Unless something very, very unexpected happens between now and adulthood, Janey will never live independently.  And honestly, that's not something I dwell on or get upset about much.  She'll live with us.   She is not going to have the skills to safely live on her own, not at all. It's not a goal of ours.


"Did you take Janey with you on your vacation/weekend getaway/day trip?"

Yes.  Yes, we did.  Unless we do things within the hours Janey is at school, she is always with us.  I get this one more than I'd ever think I would.  There isn't anyone that watches Janey except our family and school.  No-one.  And that doesn't suddenly change because we want to go on vacation.  There isn't some backup corps of people that aren't usually there but will jump in if we are going away.



"But you must get a lot of help/services/respite/money because of her disability?"

No.  We don't.  I am not exactly sure where people get this idea.  Maybe in the past, there was more money out there, or maybe they are thinking of very specific cases, but basically, there is nothing now.  Someday, when Janey is an adult, she might get Social Security.  Some younger kids, if their famlies want it, get a lot of ABA therapy.  But there is no money for respite.  We do have a state Medicare type backup insurance for Janey, that supplements our regular insurance.  Once, for some reason, the state gave us $500, randomly, and we used it to buy Janey's first iPad.  But other than that, outside of school, no.

"She isn't, you know, SLOW?  Kids with autism are very smart, right?"

That's a tricky one.  I do think Janey is very smart, in some ways.  But in traditional ways, or in the ways of autistic people you sometimes see on TV, who are quirky but brilliant, no, she isn't.  She doesn't read, or write, or speak in complete sentences.  She doesn't have special skills, a savant type hidden ability.  She isn't going to college.  She isn't going to get a high school diploma. And that's no big deal.  She's herself.

"Have you tried (fill in the blank here with things like special diets or specific therapies)?"

 The answer is one of two things---yes, we've tried it and it didn't work, or no, we haven't tried it, and we aren't interested in trying it.  You are not going to ask that and get someone saying "Gee, we've never tried that, but now that you mention it, we will!"

"What a tragedy for you!  How do you go on? How do you live with a burden like that?"

The few times I've heard this, my breath was almost taken away with anger.  Janey is not a tragedy. She is our child.  A tragedy is losing a child, having a child die.  I know a few families who  have lost a child, and I can't even think about it without crying every time.  We have Janey.  No child's life is a tragedy.  No child is a burden.  I'm not minimizing how difficult raising a child can be, any child. But there is a difference between something being difficult and something being a tragedy or a burden.

"How do you do it?  I could never do what you do!"

Don't say this.  Don't say it like it's a compliment to us.  Don't say it at all.  You COULD do it.  You WOULD do it, if Janey was your child. You would do it to the very best of your abilities.  Saying that  you couldn't is saying we as parents are somehow specially chosen.  We aren't.  And while we are doing the best we can, making us seem like some kind of superheroes serves to give society a cop-out. Why give help, respite, services to super-parents?  They are amazing!  They are doing something other people couldn't do.  We will admire them, praise them, but we don't need to HELP parents like that!


And here's a few questions I'd like to be asked more often...

"What is Janey like?  Tell me about her!"
"What can I do to help you?"
"What services would be most helpful for the city/state/country to provide?"
"Want some coffee while we laugh about everything and anything, including but not exclusively life with a child with autism?"

Fictional Moments in Autism Parenting

Before I became a real, live parent of an autistic child, I used to read a lot of books about children with autism.  They formed kind of a sub-genre of parenting books, and I found them compelling.  It's a lot harder to read them now, although I sometimes try.  What makes it hard is that those books all seem to contain some elements that are sorely lacking in my life.  Here's a few of those moments (of course overstated and with fictional therapies, but indulge me!)

The Doctor Denial Moment

"Although little Florence was slipping every day more deeply into the abyss of autism, when we took her to our trusted pediatrician, he patted her on the head and said 'She is just fine!  Every child develops at their own rate!  You are over-anxious parents!'  It took thirty-one more visits to doctors, specialists and finally calling in some favors for her to be seen by the world's most celebrated autism guru for her to finally be diagnosed"

Janey's autism, when it hit, was apparent to strangers on the street.  No-one ever called me an over-anxious parent, although I would have loved to be called such.  She was diagnosed as soon as we asked for her to be evaluated.  There was no question.

The Immediately Choosing a Therapy and Having the Money to Pay For It Moment

"As soon as Florence was diagnosed, we did some research and decided the Colpepper-Smythe Regiment was the therapy that would be her savior.  Although it cost two million dollars a year, and required flying in therapists every week from Albania, and completely remodeling our house, we had faith it was all worth it.  I must admit it was a little bit of a financial stretch.  We had to forego our yearly upgrade to the latest diamond-studded car, but that is how much we cared"

When Janey was diagnosed, we let the school she was already attending know, asked for an IEP meeting, and when it was held, agreed to the very reasonable course of therapy they recommended.  We didn't seek outside therapy, because all of us were selfish and enjoyed eating too much to absorb the financial stretch of giving up food that outside therapy would have required.

The Breakthrough Moment

"After two years of around the clock therapy, without the slightest sign of progress, suddenly there came an amazing moment.  Florence looked at us, said with a smile 'I'm all done being autistic now!', read 'War and Peace' aloud to us and went to the computer and applied for extremely early entry to Harvard, all at the age of four.  It was then that we knew our faith and devotion had been rewarded"

Janey has yet to have a breakthrough moment.  She has lots of amazing little moments, and we love them, but none of them have "cured" her.  In fact, in many ways, she's very similar to how she was at age three, when first diagnosed.

The Passing for Normal Moment

"We decided to put off Harvard for a few years, to give little Florence a chance to enjoy a normal childhood.  We enrolled her in the local pricey fancy private school for completely normal kids, and we knew it was working when her teacher, who we had never told the sordid secret of Florence's early brush with autism,  called us and said 'Of all the normal kids in Florence's class, she's the most normal of all.  I'm saying this to you for no reason in particular, but she would never be mistaken for a child with autism, not THAT super normal girl' "

Janey is not going to have a moment like that.  I am not selling her short to say that.  I no longer preface remarks like that with saying "short of a miracle".  Janey is autistic.  She is going to stay autistic.  That is the reality of her life and our life, and I am gradually starting to feel that hoping someday she will be "cured", she will be "normal" is like hoping some day she will no longer be Janey, and Janey is here to stay, and I love her.

A slice of the non-sleeping life

In the ever-cycling parade of moods that is Janey, we have come back to one of the toughest---Non-Sleeping-Girl.  It's only been two nights so far, and I'm hoping it is a short-lived mood, but it's rough.  And I have to give credit where credit is due---it's much tougher on Tony than me, because he is far better at staying awake and taking care of Janey in the night than I am.  Let's have a little slice of life from last night...

7pm---Janey goes to sleep, after having been up (and cheerful) since midnight.  Tony was up with her from midnight on Tuesday night into Wednesday.

3:30am---Janey wakes up, ready to party.  Superhero Daddy attempts to care for her, but is just too tired, and wakes up Slacker Mama.

4 am---Slacker Mama gets up with Janey.  Janey tempts her with saying "want to snuggle?"  Mama pictures a nice back to sleep time.

4:01 am---Janey is back up.  She wants ketchup.  She wants Kipper.  She wants cheese.  She wants Daddy.

4:02 am---Mama doesn't respond quickly enough.  Janey takes matters into her own hands and opens the door to the bedroom where Daddy has been trying to sneak in some sleep, and wakes him back up.

4:03 am---Mama tells Janey to leave Daddy alone, and goes to get Janey some ketchup.  Mama takes a millisecond too long.  Janey screams as loudly as she can.  Mama tells Janey it's time for the screaming room.  Janey looks excited and rushes into the screaming room (aka---the bathroom).  Mama reflects that the once promising screaming room approach to Janey's screaming no longer works at all.

4:15 am---Janey says "All done screaming!" after some good times in the screaming room.  We leave.  Janey screams loudly.  We got back.

4:30 am---out of the screaming room.  Janey goes to wake up Daddy again.  Daddy's saint-like patience is at an end, and he asks Mama to PLEASE keep Janey from waking him up again.  Mama says she will try her hardest.

5 am---after trying her hardest for a solid half hour, Mama suggests to Janey that they "snuggle down", which has been known in rare occasions to lead to sleep.  Janey happily snuggles down, and Mama instantly goes to sleep.

5:02 am---Janey goes to wake up Daddy.  Daddy gives up and gets up.  Mama hears him and says she is sorry every way she can think of.  World's Best Daddy and Husband tells Mama to just sleep.  His voice has only the slightest hint of anything but calm.

5::03 am on---usually morning routine of Mama drifting in and out of sleep while Daddy makes Janey bacon and makes himself and Mama coffee, the blessed substance without which we would all be done for.  And another day begins in earnest.

Good Autism Mother vs. Bad Autism Mother

In my head, there's a long-running series "Good Autism Mother vs. Bad Autism Mother".   Any situation with Janey can trigger an episode, one of those staples of sit-coms, the same scene replayed with each mother getting a shot at handling it.  Here's an episode for you, entitled "Janey Wakes Up in the Middle of the Night Crying"

Good Autism Mother Version----

GAM, as I will call her, immediately of course wakes up completely, and rushes to Janey's side.  She is already searching her mind to figure out the antecedent to the crying---what caused it?  Because of course she truly believes nothing is just out of the blue.  Something is MAKING Janey sad, and figuring it out is job one!  While working on that, she comforts Janey "My sweetheart!  I am right here!  I will do whatever it takes to make you happy again!"  Janey keeps screaming.  GAM starts with a huge list of ways to help.  She sings sweetly to Janey.  She rubs her back.  She pulls out a communication program on the iPad to help Janey say what is wrong.  She assesses Janey's possible level of hunger, and fixes her a nutritious snack if there's any hunger possible.  She speaks to Janey in kind, measured, reasonable tones "You seem very sad.  How can I help you feel better?"  If nothing seems to work, she assumes that the problem is that she herself, GAM, has not yet figured out what caused the crying, and that she just has to work harder at it.  She never, ever thinks for a minute about the sleep she isn't getting.  She stays by Janey's side for 2, 3, 4 or however many hours.  She doesn't wake up her husband and beg him to take over.  She is patient, calm, loving.  Eventually, when it's almost morning and almost time to get Janey ready for school, Janey falls back asleep.  GAM doesn't grab some sleep them---oh, no!  She gets Janey's clothes ready, organizes her backpack, does some light housework and then gently wakes Janey up to start the day.

Bad Autism Mother Version---

Upon hearing Janey's cries, BAM pretends she doesn't hear them.  She pretends to be fast asleep, hoping her husband will get up instead of her.  If he doesn't, she yells out quite loudly "Janey!  It's the middle of the night!  Go back to sleep!"  This won't work, of course, but maybe it will wake up her husband so she doesn't have to deal with the whole bit.  He doesn't wake up.  Reluctantly, and thinking over and over how she is very put upon and stressed and nobody understands her life, BAM gets up and goes to Janey.  She says "It's nighttime.  Go to sleep"  She never once even TRIES to figure out why Janey is crying.  She doesn't really care, at this point, when her eyes keep closing from the horrible lack of sleep.  Janey keeps crying.  BAM says "Hey!  How'd you like to watch some Kipper?"  Janey doesn't answer, but BAM takes that as a yes, and puts on Netflix to a Kipper episode both Janey and she can recite fully.  Janey kind of half stops crying to watch the episode, and BAM takes the opportunity to sit next to Janey on the couch.  She knows she can't sleep, because Janey will then tear the house to pieces, but she closes her eyes a couple times.  The night drones on.  Janey is still crying off and on.  Janey asks for soda.  BAM doesn't even consider  that maybe soda is not the best thing for Janey to drink in the night.  She just hopes against hope Janey will drink it and go back to sleep, so she pours Janey a glass.  Janey pours the glass on the floor.  BAM walks away, straight to her sleeping husband, wakes him up rudely and says "I've been up for hours.  Janey is driving me insane.  Take over right now"  BAM doesn't care that her husband has to work in a few hours.  She doesn't care about anything but sleeping.  She goes straight to sleep, leaving her husband to clean up the soda and deal with Janey.  Janey, as in the first version, goes back to sleep right about time for school.

I've got thousands of episodes like that!  But now I have to wake up Janey and get her going for school.  BAM is going to grab one last cup of coffee, though, before GAM takes over and gets Janey through another day.  Both of them wish you all the best of days.

Another sleepless night, through various filters...

The facts---Janey again had a sleepless night.  She was up from 11 pm to 5 am.  I'm a little slaphappy.  Here's a few takes on the night....

The completely supportive of my autistic daughter take---

Janey is communicating to me that she has decided to be nocturnal.  I celebrate and support her in this choice!  We will rearrange our schedules to accommodate her.  Tony will probably have to quit his job, and I'll sleep all day and stay up all night.  She also has indicated by putting on her shoes in the night and trying to unlock the doors to outside that she wants to go someplace during her wakeful nights.  We will put all our resources into figuring out where it is she desires to go, and will of course take her there.  It's wonderful to have her communicating all this to us!

The completely self-centered mother take---

I can't take this much longer!  Why is Janey doing this to me?  Why am I being tortured?  I have to find a way to make her sleep so I don't have to go through this any more!  And now, I can't even close my eyes for a second as she is constantly trying to "elope" out the door?  What fresh hell is this?

The scientific approach---

I am going to analyze the last few days and attempt to form a theory of Janey's sleeplessness.  Is she consuming something with caffeine?  Has her evening routine been disrupted?  Could she be experiencing pre-puberty hormonal changes?  I will try changing a few variables and observe the results.  With careful work, we should have this figured in a year or two.

The sleep-addled mind approach---

Wahhh?  Awake again?  Janey, please go back to sleep.  We aren't eating right now.  What?  What's going on?  Janey, take off your shoes.  Stop trying to open the door.  Tony, why don't you go upstairs to sleep so only one of us has to stay awake.  (3 hours later)  William, please wake up and go get your father.  I can't stay awake any longer and I can't leave Janey for a second.  Oh, hi, Tony.  Thanks for taking over....It's a big...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The tough love approach---

Janey, you are going to get in that bed right now and close your eyes and sleep.  I'm not putting up with any more of this foolishness.  You aren't eating anything, you aren't watching videos, you aren't listening to any music.  You are SLEEPING!  Don't you dare get off that bed!  Don't you dare try to open that door!  You get back in bed!  (inner despair on realizing that Janey could care less if I sound angry and firm, because she doesn't care about pleasing me and knows there really isn't any punishment that works for her, then tiredness takes over and I go right back to the non-working rant)  You darn well better listen to me, young lady!

The hybrid approach---

Take a little of each above.  Mix them together in random form.  Hope against hope something works.  Realize nothing is working.  Wish that there was some magical new way to handle this.  Realize there isn't.  Spend the day in a half-awake daze.  Have hope tonight will be better, as hope springs eternal.

Unlikely things autism has made me say

We never spill Cheerios all over Freddy's bed.  That's not funny!

We don't eat mayonaisse/ketchup/duck sauce all by itself.

Yes, she's eight.  No, she's not toilet trained.  Yes, I've tried all the methods out there.

No, I haven't put her on a gluten free diet.  

We NEVER take off our seat belt in the car and go into the front seat and hit Mama.

No, we can't go buy chips right now.  It's 3am.

Even if you put on your shoes nicely, we aren't going to the store right now.  It's 4am.

Please go back to sleep.  I'm not talking about chips any more.

Tony, could you just go buy her some damn chips?  It's 5am and I haven't slept.

No, I don't know what caused her autism.  Do you know what caused you to ask questions like that?

No, I don't think vaccines had anything to do with it.

Janey, please, if you make a stinky on the floor, tell Mama or Daddy about it.  Don't make us hunt it out.

If there were all kinds of great free respite services for autism out there, don't you think I'd be using them?

I really appreciate the thought, but a toy with 100 small pieces she could choke on is not really something we need, even if Janey does fall in the age range on the box.

No, I don't know how I do it either.  

That's enough pickled vegetables for today, Janey.

I know your dog wouldn't hurt a fly, but the fact you and others let dogs run free and knock down my daughter who is terrified of dogs has caused us to no longer be able to go to most parks.

Big girls don't take off all their clothes.

We just had two baths today.  That's enough baths.

We don't brush our teeth 20 times a day.

No, Janey doesn't really have any beer on ice and all her rowdy friends aren't coming over tonight.  She just is a Hank Jr. fan who \memorizes songs and sings them at random times.

Thank you, teachers and aides and therapists and staff of Janey's school.  I think I'd be dead without you, without a place to take Janey where I know she's safe and loved.  I wouldn't make it.  Literally.

Janey, I don't think it would be possible for me to love you any more than I do.  I wish you were going to have an easier life.  I wish you could communicate more.  I wish you could tell us what makes you sad.  But that doesn't change the fact that you are one amazing kid.

Easy ways to avoid having a child with autism

So you are thinking of having a child, and would like to have one free of autism? Well, you've come to the right place! I've got your easy plan right here! Just follow these instructions and you might well become the lucky parent of the latest autism-free model child!

First of all, you need to make sure you are creating this child with the right person. Take a good hard look at both your pedigrees. Is there anyone with autistic-like tendencies there? Any secret Thomas-the-Tank-Engine lovers? Genetics is one of the possible causes, you know. Assuming that every last one of your ancestors are free from any suspicion of secretly autistic traits, then take a look at the age of the male of your couple. It's a rare case where the woman seems off the hook, but if the male is an older father, it's thought that almost all the new weird genetic mutations that might lead to autism come from his side of the contribution. So you might want to trade him in for a younger model. The other factor you want to check both sides for is the presence of autoimmune disorders, which might play a role in autism. Any diabetes, asthma, arthritis, thyroid disease, lupus, MS, stuff like that? No? All set there? You are ready to get pregnant!

Now there are just a few rules you must follow when pregnant. First of all, don't get sick. Fever during pregnancy is thought to be a culprit. It might be good to isolate yourself all during pregnancy to avoid that. Next, look long and hard at medication you might take. Ask your doctor. Your doctor might say whatever you are taking is just hunky-dory, and then a few years later it's discovered that it isn't. But doctor's orders! So if you take any medication at all, you might want to go back a step and not get pregnant to start with. Avoid being overweight. Avoid getting pre-eclampsia. Avoid being stressed. Avoid getting pregnancy-induced diabetes, or any thyroid problems. Just to be safe, have a picture-perfect pregnancy in all ways.

Now---during the birth. Don't have any birth trauma or lack of oxygen. Don't have your baby prematurely. Hold them right away and let them know how welcome they are. Most people don't believe autism is caused by "refrigerator mothers" subconsciously rejecting their babies anymore, but you know how those things swing back and forth, so avoid ever thinking a single negative thought about the baby.

Now it gets tricky. There's the vaccine question. Science doesn't seem to back up that vaccines or mercury in vaccines cause a problem, but many mothers and blogs and celebrities think it does, so you'll have to decide on that. Make sure the baby doesn't get any infections soon after birth, viral or otherwise. Some people think lately autism is caused by an over-clean environment not teaching the body some early immune responses, so be reasonably casual about germs, but of course, that's subject to change at any point, and if it's later decided dirt causes autism, you'll never forgive yourself. Lack of vitamin D is one theory, so live in a sunny climate. Too much rain could be a problem, so if you get hit with some long rainy spells, move. There's the whole possible diet connection, with lactose and gluten being suspected as problems. Who knows, but why not just never serve any of them to be sure? Early TV could be a problem, so get rid of your set.

And of course, if your child STILL is stubborn enough to show even the slightest autistic trait, you want to nip it in the bud. Have your child screened for autism starting at birth, probably every week will be enough. If you see the slightest sign of it, start ABA about 100 hours a week immediately, until your kid is so normal they could be a model for normalness.

And you know of course this is all very tongue in cheek. I've just been reflecting a lot lately on how the almost daily new ideas about what causes autism must put through the heads of someone determined to do all they can to give their kids a good head start, a nice autism-free life. And the moral is, of course, you can't do that. You could do everything possible known right now, which would result in some crazy doings, and in a few years, it could be determined that everything you thought right was wrong. We just don't know what causes autism. There probably isn't any one thing that causes it. So do what you feel is best. Do what you yourself decide is healthy and reasonable to do. Listen to a good mainstream OB/GYN or pediatrician. Use your own judgement. Don't listen to what bloggers say, including me.

And if, all else failing, you do end up with an autistic child, I'm here to say it's not the end of the world. You aren't a terrible person for somehow not being able to prevent that happening. You are a parent that like many parents from the beginning of time, were dealt a tough hand, but you will deal with it. Your child may not take you to Holland, but they will give you moments of extreme joy along with the hard times. Congratulations on your child, autistic or not.

33 ways most people are cooler than me

When they say their house is messy, they mean a few magazines hanging around, not HARD CORE messy.

They aren't afraid to fly.

They aren't afraid to drive on the highway.

They have a hair stylist---they would never cut their own hair and hope for the best.

They never run out of money at the end of a pay cycle.

They drive an SUV or a minivan.

They pick out a wardrobe, not just buy what looks okay at the thrift store.

They take vacations at resorts.

They don't let their pieced ears grow back.

They listen to music groups I've never heard of, and didn't say "who the heck is that?" when Adele won at the Grammies.

They go out with the girls for drinks.

They complain about how often youth soccer and baseball practices occur.

They know how to wrap presents prettily.

Their biggest thrill of the week isn't picking up books at the library.

They watch TV shows right the night they are on, so they can talk about them before everyone else is tired of them.

They have dogs, not cats.

They go to the Cape or New Hampshire on weekends.

They have a dental plan.

They like parties, not dread them.

They have handwriting that is legible.

They seem to get memos about the latest trends.

They belong to gyms.

They have a babysitter.

They grew up in a suburb, not a rural area.

They don't play video games ever.

They read best-sellers.

They don't let their kids eat or drink in the car.

They don't have allergies that make them sneeze and cough a lot.

They dye their hair and not let it be all gray.

They have lots of shoes.

They know how to put on make-up.

They know how to decorate and don't just put a lot of random stuff on their walls.

They are just cool. They don't TRY to be cool---they just are.

Okay, you are asking---what does this all have to do with autism? Not a whole lot. But it was prompted by an article that said something like "autism is currently the cool diagnosis" I thought---wow. I've never been cool. I'm not good at being cool. Is this autism gig finally my ticket to Cool Village? But is Janey the cool kind of autism? Am I treating her with the cool treatments? How can I use this all to my advantage to look cool when I want to? Is this going to overcome my tragic lack of fashion sense and make-up skills?

I'm not easily offended. I don't start crusades when I hear people using terms I don't like. But don't take the disorder that makes Janey's life so tough, that affects our whole family in hundreds of ways, that takes away so much from my precious girl's life and call it cool. That's not cool.

Easily amused

I noticed the other day that there is a little clickable place at the top of my blog that says "Next blog" and being the curious type that I am, I clicked it. I don't know how they pick which blog is next, but it was fun to do---it took me to what seemed like a random other blog, and I kept doing the same thing with each blog and looked at all kinds of blogs. I think they each somehow loosely connected to the one before, as I got into a string of them about jewelry making somehow, so used the back button and tried again, and got different blogs. It was an enjoyable use of an hour. And I got some ideas about ways I should spice up this blog, or at least make it fit more in the family blog mode....

Put lots more recipes on, with pictures, and emphasize how I cook about 20 meals ahead and freeze them, and make my own flour and salt.

Talk a lot about my "dh", dear husband, and about how I married my best friend (I thought that was still illegal in most states?)

Mention much more often than I do about how blessed I am.

Take the kids on a lot more vacations and take a lot more pictures of them while on those vacations. Especially, I need to take them to Disney World.

Be relentlessly positive. Always look at everything as being on the way up.

Homeschool.

Put little apps on that show exactly what age my kids are, and how close it is to Christmas.

Don't have teenagers. None of the best blogs have kids older than 7 or so.

Start exercising, and write a lot about it. Keep a running log. Talk about how good I feel after a long run.

Shun junk food.

Get some jazzier background.

In general, don't be such a downer all the time.


I'm being sarcastic a bit, of course. And not all the blogs were like that. But I did feel like I'm not with the program in some ways, but then, I've felt like that my whole life. It's only in the last 5 years or so that I've been able to say to myself those two great little words and mean them..."Who cares?" Who cares if I don't have a house in the suburbs, kids in youth sports and a model's body? Who cares if my kids have never been in a plane and never set foot on Disney property? Who cares if none of us are totally mainstream people? Of course, some days I do care, but more often, I've reached the point where I don't care. I want my family to be happy, and to be decent, kind, thoughtful people. I think my boys are on their way, and I will do all I can to guide Janey in that direction. So, who care about the rest?