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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Unlikely things autism has made me say

We never spill Cheerios all over Freddy's bed.  That's not funny!

We don't eat mayonaisse/ketchup/duck sauce all by itself.

Yes, she's eight.  No, she's not toilet trained.  Yes, I've tried all the methods out there.

No, I haven't put her on a gluten free diet.  

We NEVER take off our seat belt in the car and go into the front seat and hit Mama.

No, we can't go buy chips right now.  It's 3am.

Even if you put on your shoes nicely, we aren't going to the store right now.  It's 4am.

Please go back to sleep.  I'm not talking about chips any more.

Tony, could you just go buy her some damn chips?  It's 5am and I haven't slept.

No, I don't know what caused her autism.  Do you know what caused you to ask questions like that?

No, I don't think vaccines had anything to do with it.

Janey, please, if you make a stinky on the floor, tell Mama or Daddy about it.  Don't make us hunt it out.

If there were all kinds of great free respite services for autism out there, don't you think I'd be using them?

I really appreciate the thought, but a toy with 100 small pieces she could choke on is not really something we need, even if Janey does fall in the age range on the box.

No, I don't know how I do it either.  

That's enough pickled vegetables for today, Janey.

I know your dog wouldn't hurt a fly, but the fact you and others let dogs run free and knock down my daughter who is terrified of dogs has caused us to no longer be able to go to most parks.

Big girls don't take off all their clothes.

We just had two baths today.  That's enough baths.

We don't brush our teeth 20 times a day.

No, Janey doesn't really have any beer on ice and all her rowdy friends aren't coming over tonight.  She just is a Hank Jr. fan who \memorizes songs and sings them at random times.

Thank you, teachers and aides and therapists and staff of Janey's school.  I think I'd be dead without you, without a place to take Janey where I know she's safe and loved.  I wouldn't make it.  Literally.

Janey, I don't think it would be possible for me to love you any more than I do.  I wish you were going to have an easier life.  I wish you could communicate more.  I wish you could tell us what makes you sad.  But that doesn't change the fact that you are one amazing kid.


Sophie's Trains said...

The beer on ice and rowdy friends made me smile. Do you also find yourself saying "yes, she is very pretty AND autistic? Autism doesn't target ugly people specifically"? One lady was really insisting Sophie doesn't "look autistic" the other day.

Suzanne said...

I had thought about including that one, but got hung up on the wording! Another thing I've heard is "But at least she's beautiful!" like that makes it all okay. My line for that would be "yes, with girls, we don't really worry about autism or intellectual disability or all that silly stuff, as long as they are pretty!" Have you ever heard of a few studies from a while back which said that autistic kids actually do tend to be seen as prettier overall on the average than other kids? They think it might have something to do with being overly symmetrical, which I guess is seen as attractive.

Random Reader said...

Thanks - This was awesome.

mknecht24 said...

I love it! My favorite..."You need to go out more." No kidding, Sherlock.

Unknown said...

Thank you - I needed to laugh loudly! Love that she likes old Hank.