I want to send out Mother's Day wishes to anyone reading this, whether you are a mother of your own children or not. If you care about children, you deserve a day.
It's been a very nice Mother's Day. Tony and I often joke about how bad some of my past MDs have been! It seems like everything always went wrong, or everyone was in an extra bad mood, or someone was sick. Today, everyone was happy and healthy. William surprised the heck out of me with special cupcakes he bought on his own from Rosie's Bakery, with the most delicious frosting I have ever tasted. Freddy made me a card with an assortment of photos and sweet words. Janey was cheery and said "Happy Mother's Day!" with a little prompting. Tony made me some French Onion Soup and gave me a big break. I spent most of the day reading sci-fi short stories.
I've been feeling a little more positive about mothering and autism lately, which you probably can guess is directly related to Janey's extended good mood. Yesterday, we went to some lawn sales with her, and had a sit-down lunch at Burger King--as fancy as we usually try with her. Just Tony, Janey and me, and it felt nice. We enjoyed seeing her enjoy the food, we put the little crown on her, we all ate well and laughed and enjoyed ourselves. In the middle of the meal, I was struck by something---that this was a preview of the rest of our life. The boys will move on and out, and although they will always hopefully be a huge part of my life, they will have their own life. And the unit left will be the three of us. On most days, that scares me, but yesterday, for a moment, it felt good to think about. I could see it working.
I will be a mother forever, like every mother, but unlike most mothers, I will probably be a hands-on, child at home mother forever. It's overwhelming, but for today, for a present to myself, I am going to think of the bright side of it. I always wanted to be a mother, and I always will be one.