Back to school, back to happier

Janey has been back in school for three days now, and she is far happier than during vacation.  The better mood actually did start before school started back up, so maybe school isn't all of it, but it certainly helps.  Her first day back, I got a report from her teacher that it was just about the best day she'd ever had---that she was cheerful, working hard, participating, smiling the whole day.  That was wonderful to hear.  She is sleeping better and on a more regular schedule, and she just seems more engaged.

So---what can I do with this?  Well, I know that year round school or something like school is essential.  Because I love to borrow trouble, I am already worried about the summer.  She can go to the summer program she went to for the last 3 years, but she wasn't at all happy there last summer, and I wasn't happy with it.  But other programs are hard to come by, and cost a huge amount often.  There are lots of special needs summer programs, but as I am learning as Janey gets older, there is special needs and then there is SPECIAL needs, and most programs can't handle Janey's level of needs.  I can try to make home more like school.  That isn't really my goal for Janey's life---I think it's good to have home be home and school be school, but I can structure things a little more at home.  I can try to figure out what aspects of school make Janey happy, and take those parts to use at home.

When Janey was in the worst of her screaming spell, around last Thursday, Freddy took over with Janey for an hour or so when I'd simply reached the end.  He somehow had the idea he'd like to work on academics with her.  I was skeptical.  I didn't think a little workbook time was the right thing for a girl that was hysterically screaming and crying.  But almost right away, when he sat her down with a preschool workbook, she calmed down.  She tried to do the work---tracing letters and circles.  She identified pictures we pointed out.  She seemed to welcome the distraction.  Later, Freddy hitched a computer to the TV and tried to work on typing letters with her a little.  She wasn't too into it, but again, she was calm.  The screaming seemed to break a little after that point.  It didn't disappear, but that hour with Freddy marked the beginning of the end of the horrible bad spell.

I'm not going to draw any major conclusions from all of this, but I am going to try to do a little more academics at home with Janey.  There is no reason why not to, if it she is calmed by it, and there is a lot of upside possible from it.  I'm going to also try to make myself structure days at home more.  I'm going to work on finding a good summer program, if possible.  I'm not under any delusions that she won't have another tough spell, though.  I know enough to know she most likely will.  It's such a relief when they are over, but every time she has one, the relief gets a little more tempered with reality.  We have only theories why they start, and why they stop.  We hang onto patterns and possible causes, but in truth, we don't get a lot about Janey.  This doesn't seem to change much with time.  But we'll catch our sleep and calm moments while we can, and build up our resources for the always uncertain future.

Not a good day

Janey is not enjoying this 3rd snow day and 5th day off in a row from school.  She is very much not enjoying it, to the extent she has spent a huge portion of the day screaming at the top of her lungs.  This is despite my decision to put every ounce of energy into engaging her and keeping her happy all day, after yesterday being a bit hellish.  That is not working.  Right now I begged Freddy to take her upstairs to my brother-in-law's apartment for 15 minutes, so I didn't go insane.

I did keep her happy for minutes here and there.  We played a game where she picked if I hugged her, kissed her, or said what I call "nice words" to her, and she had to pick a finger out of three to show me which she wanted.  She caught on right away, and got lots of hugs and nice words.  Later, we did workbooks.  I decided to try just doing the workbooks myself and having her observe, and talking constantly about what I was doing.  It worked much better than trying to get her to do them, and I gave her a marker to hold and at times, she jumped in and did parts of them.  Someone mentioned here about error-free learning, and I haven't researched it yet, but that is what I was thinking of them.  Janey learns so much from videos, and I figure me doing something live might teach her even more.  It kept us sane for a while, anyway.  I'm pretty good at preschool workbooks, if I do say so myself.

Overall, though, it has been a day of screaming.  At one point, she was screaming "I can't take this any more!" which was heartbreaking to hear, although I think it was delayed echolalia she possibly could have heard from me, which is not something I felt proud of.  But there does come a point of just not being able to take it.  Thankfully, I have Tony and I have the boys.  And usually, I have school. Or I can take her someplace, which is not even very possible now with snowbanks covering even a lot of parking lots.

I feel like a failure after a day like today.  I think about some of the blogs I read where mothers seem to have eternal patience with their autistic kids, and whose kids seem endearingly quirky instead of completely impossible to understand and comfort.  Of course, Janey isn't always that way, but it's always a minute away from being that way.  I wish I could video the screaming, but I worry that if anyone saw it, they would think I was a highly unsuitable mother for taping her instead of somehow helping her, and they would not realize I'd spent the last many hours trying desperately to get her happy, and that nothing I can do makes a bit of difference, and that I'd literally do anything that would make her happier, if I knew what it was.

My 15 minutes are probably almost over.  Tomorrow will be better.