Why Janey will never be on Barney

Janey has gotten back into a favorite Barney show, a Top Twenty countdown of songs.  I was watching it with her a bit this morning, and was struck by how the show strives to be very inclusive---children of all races, kids with Down Syndrome, deaf kids, blind kids, kids in wheelchairs---it's nice to see.  And then I thought---why never any kids with autism?

And of course the answer is obvious.  A child with autism on a kids show would be a disaster.  They would not act, they would not be with the program.  They would not appear to be "one of the crowd" which is always the message of kids shows---we are all the same inside.  Except kids with autism.  They are different inside.  They would cry when they were supposed to be happy, they would laugh when the scene didn't call for it, if they were verbal, they would talk about trains or bridges or whatever else they like, not the topic at hand.  They would not be automatically friends with everyone else.  They just would totally disrupt the whole message.

It's an interesting problem.  It creates a bit of a public relations nightmare for autism, I think.  It's why you never seen fundraisers or public service ads or posters featuring actual kids with autism.  One part of that is that they don't stand out enough.  Just a picture of Janey doesn't broadcast anything.  Sometimes, of course, she has "the look", but that's something you see more if you know autism already.  Many pictures of her look completely "normal", except, if I might boast, extra beautiful.  And the other reason is that kids with autism stand out too much.  It seems very, very important in our society to send a certain message---that once you get to know someone, you will see they are just like you.  But that doesn't work with autism.  In some ways, of course, it's true, but in many ways, it is not.  Janey's not going to get with the program at some point.  She's never going to part of the happy Barney crowd.

So what would I like?  How would I want the media to handle autism?  What I'd like is probably too much to ask.  It would be that they would show autism as it really is.  I'd love to see a Barney episode with a Janey in it---someone perhaps thrilled by the music, dancing around to her own beat, then maybe overwhelmed by all the sound and action, crying a little, then laughing hysterically at her own internal joke, and maybe, just maybe, if she were in the mood, hugging Barney.  When she wanted to, if she wanted to.  I think letting people see what a child with autism is really like would go a long, long way to helping the many autistic kids out there be understood and accepted.

It won't happen.  If autism ever makes it into the kids' media scene, it will be a child with very, very high functioning autism, a verbal child who is a little quirky but essentially with the theme---like you and me.  Someone who can act.  Can act normal enough to be on the show.  Which is a sad message.  We all should be accepted---except those who just somehow really aren't like the rest of us.  We will just pretend they don't exist at all, because there is no way to easily include them in the big happy dance.

Easy ways to avoid having a child with autism

So you are thinking of having a child, and would like to have one free of autism? Well, you've come to the right place! I've got your easy plan right here! Just follow these instructions and you might well become the lucky parent of the latest autism-free model child!

First of all, you need to make sure you are creating this child with the right person. Take a good hard look at both your pedigrees. Is there anyone with autistic-like tendencies there? Any secret Thomas-the-Tank-Engine lovers? Genetics is one of the possible causes, you know. Assuming that every last one of your ancestors are free from any suspicion of secretly autistic traits, then take a look at the age of the male of your couple. It's a rare case where the woman seems off the hook, but if the male is an older father, it's thought that almost all the new weird genetic mutations that might lead to autism come from his side of the contribution. So you might want to trade him in for a younger model. The other factor you want to check both sides for is the presence of autoimmune disorders, which might play a role in autism. Any diabetes, asthma, arthritis, thyroid disease, lupus, MS, stuff like that? No? All set there? You are ready to get pregnant!

Now there are just a few rules you must follow when pregnant. First of all, don't get sick. Fever during pregnancy is thought to be a culprit. It might be good to isolate yourself all during pregnancy to avoid that. Next, look long and hard at medication you might take. Ask your doctor. Your doctor might say whatever you are taking is just hunky-dory, and then a few years later it's discovered that it isn't. But doctor's orders! So if you take any medication at all, you might want to go back a step and not get pregnant to start with. Avoid being overweight. Avoid getting pre-eclampsia. Avoid being stressed. Avoid getting pregnancy-induced diabetes, or any thyroid problems. Just to be safe, have a picture-perfect pregnancy in all ways.

Now---during the birth. Don't have any birth trauma or lack of oxygen. Don't have your baby prematurely. Hold them right away and let them know how welcome they are. Most people don't believe autism is caused by "refrigerator mothers" subconsciously rejecting their babies anymore, but you know how those things swing back and forth, so avoid ever thinking a single negative thought about the baby.

Now it gets tricky. There's the vaccine question. Science doesn't seem to back up that vaccines or mercury in vaccines cause a problem, but many mothers and blogs and celebrities think it does, so you'll have to decide on that. Make sure the baby doesn't get any infections soon after birth, viral or otherwise. Some people think lately autism is caused by an over-clean environment not teaching the body some early immune responses, so be reasonably casual about germs, but of course, that's subject to change at any point, and if it's later decided dirt causes autism, you'll never forgive yourself. Lack of vitamin D is one theory, so live in a sunny climate. Too much rain could be a problem, so if you get hit with some long rainy spells, move. There's the whole possible diet connection, with lactose and gluten being suspected as problems. Who knows, but why not just never serve any of them to be sure? Early TV could be a problem, so get rid of your set.

And of course, if your child STILL is stubborn enough to show even the slightest autistic trait, you want to nip it in the bud. Have your child screened for autism starting at birth, probably every week will be enough. If you see the slightest sign of it, start ABA about 100 hours a week immediately, until your kid is so normal they could be a model for normalness.

And you know of course this is all very tongue in cheek. I've just been reflecting a lot lately on how the almost daily new ideas about what causes autism must put through the heads of someone determined to do all they can to give their kids a good head start, a nice autism-free life. And the moral is, of course, you can't do that. You could do everything possible known right now, which would result in some crazy doings, and in a few years, it could be determined that everything you thought right was wrong. We just don't know what causes autism. There probably isn't any one thing that causes it. So do what you feel is best. Do what you yourself decide is healthy and reasonable to do. Listen to a good mainstream OB/GYN or pediatrician. Use your own judgement. Don't listen to what bloggers say, including me.

And if, all else failing, you do end up with an autistic child, I'm here to say it's not the end of the world. You aren't a terrible person for somehow not being able to prevent that happening. You are a parent that like many parents from the beginning of time, were dealt a tough hand, but you will deal with it. Your child may not take you to Holland, but they will give you moments of extreme joy along with the hard times. Congratulations on your child, autistic or not.

Putting television to use

I've always felt that it's not a big problem for kids to watch TV some. I get a lot of this attitude from my sister, who always let her son watch as much as he wanted. I can't think of a much smarter or better adjusted boy than her 17 year old son, and now he doesn't watch much TV at all, and neither do my 14 or 11 year old (Freddy never did, William did at times).

For a year or so, Janey wouldn't watch any TV. It was too unpredictable for her, I think. Lately I've tried having a routine for TV. Every day we are home, we watch Sesame Street and Word World. She likes both of them a lot, and I watch them with her. They have pretty predictable routines (Sesame Street a lot more now than in the past, with Elmo's World and so on) and watching them day after day,she is getting very happy with them,and saying letters along with them. I think it's a non-threatening way for her to learn, as opposed to drill or flashcards. I know many would disagree. But slowly I think I am developing my own philosophies about her, and having more courage to believe in them.