Late edition

I thought Janey was asleep on my bed, but she got up and came to me, saying "snuggle on Mama's bed", which is one of her most common phrases. As she grabbed me for a snuggle, I became covered with, well, something that should have gone in the potty. And as I yelled for Tony, I saw the bed was also covered with that lovely substance, and much of the floor. All this happened with me literally within an arm's length of her. Every single blanket and sheet was affected. So Tony took Janey off for the second bath within an hour, I dragged everything to the cellar laundry, washed the floor, started the laundry (it will take multiple loads to do) and then, went outside in the dark and just sat there for a while.

Today has been a rough day. I got scary news about a relative, who has struggled with demons all his life. I woke with a migraine. It has been hot and humid. Overall, though, Janey has been cheerful, and until this evening I was holding it together. Now, I'm not. Sometimes it just all feels so overwhelming and never-ending. Not even just Janey, but so many people's struggles. I know so many people who struggle every day to make sense of their lives, to find meaning in their life after difficult childhoods, or multiple losses or internal beasts that just don't want to let go. I wish I could do more for others; I wish my own life was not so overwhelming that I often don't have the resources to help others more. I don't want to be the one who needs help. That is not a role I ever, ever wanted to have. And yet it is teaching me, although it's a hard lesson. There is not help out there as there should be. We don't have answers for life's tough struggles. I get tired of reading and hearing about therapy, counselling. Not that they don't have their places, but they don't fix anyway. Some problems because they are not fixable, some because talking about them is not what is needed. What is needed is money, programs, volunteers, a change of society's heart.

I will stop before I turn to a bit of rambling. But I'll leave with a thought. Pick someone you know that needs help---an ear to listen, a friendly smile, a word of encouragement. Not money, not any long term commitment, but just a kind boost. Pick someone like that every day, and give them that boost. If you are that someone needing the boost, I want to say---you are not alone.