The Noah's Ark Book

Lately, Janey has been asking me to read her books.  Or if sometimes not exactly asking, at least listening willingly when I read her books.  This is quite new.  Her school has a reading contract due every Friday, where a parent has to write down four books they have read to their kids during the week.  With William, years ago, this was very easy---I had usually about 50 books to choose from, and although Freddy wasn't quite as into books, we still certainly always read more than four in a week.  I love to read to my kids.  It's just about my favorite thing to do.  But with Janey, although I always had read her the four, and almost always more, it often was more like me reading the book while she didn't listen and ran around the house.  Now, though, she is sitting by me, listening and even often gesturing me to point to the words as I read.  That just about freaks me out with happiness.

A few days ago, I was reading her the Lucy Cousins version of Noah's Ark.  Lucy Cousins is the artist behind Maisy the Mouse, and I love her books.  On a few of the pages, there is a big spread with pictures of all kinds of animals.  When we got to that page, on impulse I started asking Janey to point to the animals.  Well, she did.  She pointed to every last one I asked for, and that included such animals as flamingos and scorpions.  She pointed to them quickly and easily, eager, I think, for me to stop asking questions and just read.

When Janey does things like that, my emotions and thoughts run wild.  I am very proud and happy, of course, but I also am frustrated.  Janey obviously knows so much more than she lets on.  WHY does she talk so little?   Why can a day go by and you'd have no idea she knew such basics things as her brothers' names or any words beyond her few preferred ones?  How can she knows what a lizard is, what a ladybug is, but never, let on?

I don't understand why Janey's speech is so restricted.  She CAN talk---the fact that she can recite whole poems and, when push truly comes to shove and there is no way to get around and she really needs to ask, can she ask us by name for such foods as pickled cabbage and duck sauce?  It seems like every new word she actually uses verbally without it being part of a recitation costs her dearly, and she needs to preserve her savings.

On my better days, Janey fascinates me.  I wonder what it's like in her mind.  I wonder how it feels to have all that knowledge floating around there and usually no way to get it out.  But on my less better days, she breaks my heart.  I know how frustrating her life must be, far more frustrating than it is to be me, on the outside, wishing I could get in and truly understand her.

Dispatch from the middle of the night

It's 2:15am, and Janey is happily watching Count With Maisy.  She has worked out her own new sleep schedule.  It consists of going to sleep at the earlier possible opportunity, often 6:30pm.  She then wakes around 1am, ready for a party.  We do what we can to get her to sleep, but often give up and put on a video.  She watches and jumps around and periodically makes demands for food, which we turn down, causing her to scream, but not the lengthy hours long scream, just a momentary scream.  Around 2:30 or 3, she drifts back off, to wake again around 6:30am.  It's some good times, I tells ya.

Part of the fun is the time from 5:30pm, when she gets home from afterschool, and 6:30, her new bedtime she's picked.  That is an hour of non-stop crying and eating.  She comes home in a mood and a half.  Tony gives her dinner right away, and more dinner, and more dinner, and some after dinner treats and some dessert.  She stops screaming long enough to eat and demand more to eat.  Then she demands a snuggle with me, by which point we are ready to do anything to stop the crying.  Then she goes to sleep.

This is actually an improvement over a few weeks ago, when she hadn't figured out yet she wanted to go to sleep that early.  Then, she was screaming from when she got home until 8 or so.  Then she was waking at 3 or so to stay up, demanding and angry.

Needless to say, Tony and I are often exhausted during the day.  I feel for him, at work.  He can't arrange his schedule to nap.  I do---working all I can in the morning and early afternoon, and then collapsing for an hour or two.

I've realized lately that Janey has become more of a fan of routines, whether the routines are pleasant or not. For example, the other day I took out her barrettes.  That is usually followed by brushing her hair, but I got distracted and it didn't that time.  Janey hates her hair brushed, hates it very much.  But after a few minutes went by and I hadn't brushed, she brought me the hairbrush and handed it to me.  It was time to brush, like it or not, she seemed to be saying.  So I did, and she screamed as usual.  Then again I got distracted.  She came over again after a bit, and said "Braid?" I hadn't fixed her hair, braided or ponytaled it or whatever, which she also doesn't like but which is the routine.  And so I think the coming home, crying, sleeping early, waking in the night, has become the routine to follow.  Last night in the car home, she even seemed to be planning it.  She said, in a type of speech I've never heard from her before "I say 'I am ANGRY at you, Daddy!'"  She never actually says that to him, just screams, but I guess she was planning the screaming.

So what do we do?  History has showed we wait it out.  That is all that seems to work.  Christmas vacation is coming soon, and that will change the routines,and hopefully break this latest one.  Until then, we are daytime zombies, evening objects of fury, middle of the night monitors.  Life with Janey.

Something I am not sure about

Lately, Janey has done a few things that make me half wonder---can she read? It would seem unbelievable to us---she doesn't seem to know letters, she hasn't shown any signs of reading readiness---but a few odd things have happened that make me wonder. Just now was the oddest---she was watching YouTube videos, and they show suggestions for other ones on the side. One of them was "Maisy Rain". The picture had no sign of rain in it, and we don't think she's ever seen that particular Maisy, but she said "I want Maisy Rain" and clicked on the picture. It was a little freaky. Lately she's also been asking for videos on the Netflix instant cue by name, including one that I don't think we've ever told her the name of "Kipper Puppy Love". Freddy has told me several times he was sure she read things, also. But I am skeptical. I don't think she can read. But I do wonder. She knows all her VHS tapes apart, and a few of them are identical except for the names of the video. I figured there must be some other cue besides the words, but maybe not.

The fact she can easily click on YouTube videos is also odd. I don't think she shows this skill at school at all. But when she's in the mood, she can use YouTube like a pro. She often does it when we aren't looking---we will turn around and some video is playing we never even knew existed. A few times, it's been when YouTube or the internet wasn't even open to start with.

But it all is part of the whole problem. It's like having a computer with a damaged hard drive. There is tons of information and programs stored there, but accessing them is the problem. We know Janey knows the names of hundreds and hundreds of objects. When she is completely in the mood, and we are rewarding her, she will name almost anything you put in front of her. I've talked lots of times about how many songs she knows by heart. But you can't access any of this information easily. You can't say to her "Sing 'God Bless America'", which she knows cold. She would never do it. But when she's seized with a patriotic mood, she'll sing the heck out of it.

I don't know how to help her access what she knows. Maybe she doesn't want to. I wish it was easier for her. I feel like I should just be glad she does know what I know she knows, and not have to have it be provable, but I am not. I want her to be able to show others. Maybe that's what I need to let go of.