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Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Noise

When Janey's isn't talking or echolaliaing or crying or laughing, she is often making a sound. It's a very hard sound to describe. It sounds like a long, drawn-out "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" kind of noise, not always in all caps loudness, but often. It's a background kind of noise, one that seems to just mean "I'm still here. I'm wandering around or watching a video or just hanging out, and I need to make sound" I have to admit---I hate it. I truly hate it. It annoys me no end. I know it's part of Janey, part of her autism, and certainly not something she is doing to annoy me or anyone else. I don't let her know I hate it, as I am almost certain she has no idea she makes it. I am sure she makes it more often than I even notice, because after a while, it's just part of the background house sound, but when I do notice it, when I am trying to hear something else or rest or just let myself think, it sticks into my head like a dagger. I don't even know if other members of my family are annoyed with it---I don't think we've ever talked about it, and we are talkers. It's just so much part of the background static that it hardly bears mentioning, but mentioning it I am. For no productive reason, I guess.

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