I always dread summer. I've been that way since I was Janey's age. I like the order of the school year, I don't like hot weather one little bit, I just don't like summer. With an autistic child, summer means long days without a break. Luckily, Janey will be going to summer school again, which is 5 hours a day, once it starts in a few weeks. It's at a new location this year, and of course I'm nervous, but not as nervous as last year. I know it will be okay---maybe not great, but okay. And I've learned my own limits. As long as Janey is pretty happy, I need to have the break it provides. But these few weeks are going to be a little long! So far, Janey has been pretty much happy, but still doing mischief constantly, and I am in what I think of sometimes as prison mode. I can't do anything but watch her. I can't get laundry done, I can't work, I can't even lower my head much to read. I need to be alert every second. If I take her out someplace, I need to hold her hand without a second's break. That doesn't lead to being able to shop, although we did a quick grocery run this morning. The carriage makes it easier, and it was early, so the place was empty.
I don't feel the panic I have at some points. I know I can get through this. I have started to forget what any other life would feel like, and this is my life, now. I delight in Janey a lot lately, even though it's as hard as it's ever been. I've gotten through all the other summers of my life, and I'll get through this one. But boy, do I love September.