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Friday, June 22, 2012

The Start of Summer

Here's a picture from the year-end awards ceremony at Janey's school. The kids all look a little grim, which they really weren't! But I picked this picture because it shows both of Janey's outstanding teachers, and also the aide that was with her most (Janey is in front of him) I had some tears at the year ending. Janey had such a wonderful year, and accomplished things I never expected her to. She got an award for best handwriting, for learning to write her beautiful "J"! I can honestly say that is one award I have never gotten, and would never get, unless it was some kind of "worse" award, instead of best, as I have the worst handwriting I've ever seen. That's why I type everything!

I always dread summer. I've been that way since I was Janey's age. I like the order of the school year, I don't like hot weather one little bit, I just don't like summer. With an autistic child, summer means long days without a break. Luckily, Janey will be going to summer school again, which is 5 hours a day, once it starts in a few weeks. It's at a new location this year, and of course I'm nervous, but not as nervous as last year. I know it will be okay---maybe not great, but okay. And I've learned my own limits. As long as Janey is pretty happy, I need to have the break it provides. But these few weeks are going to be a little long! So far, Janey has been pretty much happy, but still doing mischief constantly, and I am in what I think of sometimes as prison mode. I can't do anything but watch her. I can't get laundry done, I can't work, I can't even lower my head much to read. I need to be alert every second. If I take her out someplace, I need to hold her hand without a second's break. That doesn't lead to being able to shop, although we did a quick grocery run this morning. The carriage makes it easier, and it was early, so the place was empty.

I don't feel the panic I have at some points. I know I can get through this. I have started to forget what any other life would feel like, and this is my life, now. I delight in Janey a lot lately, even though it's as hard as it's ever been. I've gotten through all the other summers of my life, and I'll get through this one. But boy, do I love September.

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