Tough Days

The last few days with Janey have been very, very tough. The crying is back. She screamed huge parts of yesterday and today, with this night being the worst. She cried solidly for at least 3 hours. It's almost unbearable to hear and see, and I am very sure it's almost unbearable to be her when this is going on. We have no clues what's up. I don't think she's sick, nothing really happened out of the routine---she wouldn't know it's vacation yet, unless she somehow understood the talk of it, which I doubt, we did the things with her she usually like---but still, just incredible amounts of crying. I don't do well with it. I just want to make her happy, to make it stop, and if the boys ever cried past babyhood, I'd talk with them for hours if it took that, cuddle them, work it out somehow. But I can't do that with Janey. She generally doesn't want comforting, she can't tell us what she wants (although she does obsessively ask for Kipper or Care Bears or milk when she is upset, but she doesn't really want those), she has no real coping skills when whatever it is upsets her.

I feel for the boys. Her crying is so often the background noise of their life. Tonight, as we were trying to get her to sleep, William wanted to play guitar and Freddy wanted to play on-line video games. They were both in their rooms, but our house is small and it wasn't working---it was waking her up. I had to ask them both to stop. Last night, we made a feeble attempt at a family night out---we tried to drive to Dedham and get some Five Guys Burgers or Chipolte. No go. Janey screamed hysterically as we tried to go in. So I sat in the car with her and with Freddy, neither of us able to make her happy, while Tony and William grabbed something fast. A car was in the lot facing ours, with a woman in it who glared at me the whole time they were in there. She probably thought I'd done something to make Janey cry, or thought we were crazy parents for dragging out a crying child, or maybe she thought I wasn't being strict enough. Who knows what she thought, but for someone like me, who hates that kind of standing out and attention, it was torture. I kept wanting to go over to her car and scream "She's autistic! Would you like to try to do a better job with her? You are MORE THAN WELCOME to try!"

Now she's asleep, and my headache is finally fading. I hope this storm is over. For now.