No fun with stickers

I tried hard today to make a fun activity with Janey. I have lots of stickers, all different cool kinds, some that I have gotten at craft stores as parts of big grab bags, with special textures and so on. I took a big book, spiral bound, that I bought for us to color in, and tried playing stickers with Janey. I wasn't directing her---I let her do whatever she wanted with the stickers---but I put some in the book and talked about them. I thought it would be a vocabulary time and a sensory time and all kinds of good things. But like so many times with Janey, it turned instead into a crying time. I don't know why. It seems like she doesn't like to be focused on---she knew I was there to play with her, and that is too intrusive I guess. It's one of those days I feel at such a loss.

Last night seemed better. I was thinking how some parts about Janey are so easy. She loves good food. She was thrilled last night to eat lots of raw carrots and cucumbers, and homemade chicken soup. She is in no way a picky eager. She is also, knock on wood, a good sleeper. She is ready to sleep about 7:45 each night and sleeps until about 7:45 each morning. Some nights she does wake up, but usually it's not that hard to get her back down. She was doing some good talking last night too. She said "I will give Danny (the cat) a carrot". We said cats didn't like carrots much, and she said "It is NOT silly to give Danny a carrot!" although we hadn't used that word.

I feel so alone much of the time. In a world that's supposed to be filled with autistic kids, I feel like the only parent of one on earth lots of times.