I broke down at Janey's meeting today. It was just a little parent teacher meeting, not an IEP meeting. I like her teachers a lot, but it's an integrated class, not an autism class, where she probably should be. She is not learning anything, and she is making no progress, I must admit. Although we have all tried to teach her colors, numbers, shapes, for years, she makes no progress. I wish I knew what she is capable of learning, so I would not hound her to learn things she just can't. I cried in front of them out of my frustration that other kids are given better services because their parents threaten the school district. I need to learn to do that. But first I must be sure what I want them to do, and I am not.
I am trying to remember to see Janey when she cries or is upset as a scared little 4 year old, in a world she doesn't understand well. It's ironic that when she needs me to see her that way, and when she IS that way more than most 4 year olds, it's harder for me to do that than if she were more able to talk. I talked and still do talk to the boys for hours about their fears and concerns,but with Janey, after an hour or so of crying I just want her to not cry any more. I love that little girl so much, and I feel like I am totally not up to this task.