Not being positive

Not a good past few days, awful really. Janey and Freddy have both been sick. Janey seems better, but is incredibly fussy all day long. Yesterday she pretty much cried all day. I was at MGH for the autism study I enrolled in, doing testing, and she was with Tony. He didn't take her to school as she was just screaming and crying at that point in the day. She fell asleep for him and slept all afternoon. Never happens to me. I am more worried about Freddy. He missed the last 3 days last week, went back yesterday but it wore him out to the extent he can barely move. He is so pale it's very scary. He will probably stay home today and I will take him back to the doctors. There are days like yesterday I feel like I can barely make it another minute. This winter has been so hard. Janey is so tough so much of the time, and I feel like I can't be with the boys like I should, and Tony's hours are so long and he's so tired or pre-occupied when he is home. The house is turning into a pit of mess, we are financially practically going under and I have just not been happy for a long time. I try hard to stay positive but I am not positive and I can't see when I will get positive.