Ten things I'm grateful for---an exercise in positive thinking!

I wrote a post earlier today, and then deleted it after a bit.  I've only done that once or twice, but in this case, I realized I was letting my own discouraged feelings creep too much into my writing.  I was writing about how I felt, not about Janey, and although I'm sure there's a time for that, I have always wanted this blog to be about Janey.

I've been impressed lately with grateful lists that people have put on Facebook.  I am going to try to challenge myself to write ten things I really, truly feel grateful for in my life, things that relate to Janey.  I guess, in a way, I'm again writing about me and not Janey, but hopefully in a way that will help me focus back in on her!  So here goes...

1.  I'm grateful Janey can talk as much as she can.  I know there are many, many parents of kids like Janey who would give almost anything to hear their child talk.  I try to never, ever take her talking for granted.

2.  I'm grateful for a husband who is amazingly supportive, a true partner in raising Janey, and her favorite person on earth.

3.  I'm grateful for my sons, who make me proud every day and who are wonderful brothers to Janey.

4.  I'm grateful for the Boston Public Schools, who do a fantastic job with Janey and other children with special needs.

5.  I'm grateful for Janey's physical health.  I don't think there's many 10 year old on the planet who have been sick less than her.

6.  I'm grateful for Janey's love of music.  It's something we can enjoy together, and something I hope is a lifetime source of happiness for her.

7.  I'm grateful for the internet, for the chance to connect with other parents around the world with children like Janey.

8.  I'm grateful for friends, both those I know in person and those I know on-line.

9.  I'm grateful for living in this day and age, where knowledge of autism is growing all the time.

10.  I'm grateful for Janey.  I'm grateful I have a daughter, a beautiful, interesting, fascinating and unique girl.  Here's a picture of her early on, the girl I thought I'd never have...

That wasn't even hard to do, and I feel better! There is something to this positive thinking bit...

Three hardest things, three best things

I got this idea from another person's post I read recently---what are the three hardest things and the three best things in my life?

The three hardest---well, number one would be autism. I hate autism. Autism is not Janey, any more than diabetes is Tony or thyroid disease is me. Autism for whatever reason hit my little girl hard, and won't let go. I hate it.

Number two would be not having the funds to do everything I'd like to do for Janey. I don't crave money for myself much, I can honestly say. I'm not someone who wants or needs what money can buy much---I've often thought if I had money for a mansion, within days it would be run down and messy and I would like it no better than my house now. But when I can't do something for Janey because I can't afford it, or worry about the co-pays, or just know it will stretch the budget to breaking point, that is hard.

Number three---tiredness. How I'm always, always tired---partly a result of Janey so often waking in the night, partly because I'm on edge so often, partly due to a thyroid that doesn't work much at all, some because I have insomnia often, partly because I'm overwhelmed. If I had more energy, I could do a lot better for my family.

And the three best things? Those are easier than the worst things!

First, my family. My husband, who is 100% totally a family man, my sons, who are two of the most amazing kids in the world and my beautiful, fascinating daughter.

Second---life's little pleasures. They don't get enough credit. That first cup of coffee in the morning, the word games on Facebook, a comfy bed when I'm tired, the first feel of fall in the air, good television, of course and hugely books and reading, a great lawn sales, a long talk with a good friend on the phone---lots more. At this point in my life I'm not going to be having a lot of life's BIG pleasures---fancy vacations, brand new cars, elegant meals out---but I've got more than my share of the little ones.

Third---the luck of living in this place and time. I know how lucky I am compared to so many people in this world, and so many time periods in history. Even 50 years ago, Janey would probably not be able to go to school at all, instead of going to the amazing school she does. Heck, 100 years ago that wouldn't be a problem, as I would be long dead from my first pregnancy, Tony would be dead from diabetes, Freddy would have died from the terrible asthma attack two years ago---we'd be a whole section in the cemetary. I try hard to keep in mind that chance of time and place have made me very, very lucky.

And now to try to sleep!