Janey is not materialistic, and that's a problem

If you look up how to get a child with autism to do something they aren't inclined to do, there is almost always the same answer.  Use a motivator.  Use a reward.  Give it consistently for the target behavior, and not at other times.

When thinking about this, I thought at first "There's nothing that motivates Janey consistently"  But that's not really the case.  There is a lot that motivates Janey, but there is almost nothing that can be given as a reward to her easily.  There is a lot she loves, but not a lot that I would be able to only give her as a reward.

A typical rewards chart

What does Janey love?  What motivates her?  Silly attention, as the first thing that comes into mind---joking around with her with funny voices, or little games.  She lives for things like playing Creep Mouse or pretend tickle or high five with the whole "too slow" routine.  She adores those games.  But she doesn't adore any single one enough for it to work as a motivator for something like ABA or toilet use.  And I can't, or won't, withhold playful attention, the main way she likes to interact, to be something she only gets when she performs.

She loves music, of course.  But there isn't a certain song that would always be a reward.  She likes variety.  And it's not a case of any music.  It's not like she'd be willing to work to hear something she doesn't like or care about.  And again, I would never withhold music, her basically only hobby, from her, hold it out to get her to do what I want.  That would be cruel.

She loves food.  And I'd be fine with having some certain food be a reward for ABA or the like.  But there is no one food she's always into.  Some days, she adores chips or M&Ms, other days, she could care less about them.  Even the kind of foods that could work at home but not at school, like bacon or home fries, are not always something she wants.  Like most of us, she is in the mood for something different on different days.

Trinkets still motivate ME!

What about toys, or stickers, or beads, or something like that?  No, not at all.  She enjoys me looking at her sticker book with her, but actually putting individual stickers in it, or getting stickers as a prize---no interest.  There is not really a toy in the world she cares about.  In fact, there is not really any non-food physical object she is motivated by.  She is not materialistic, in the true meaning of the word.  Material things don't much interest her.

She likes a car ride, but not all the time, and in practicality, it's not something that would work as a reward---certainly not at school, and not all the time at home.  We are not going to put her in the car at 10 at night for using the toilet.  And it isn't practical to tell her she can't have a car ride until she does certain things.  Sometimes, we need her to go in the car.

As does candy...

I know that many kids with autism have a special interest---something that is hugely motivating to them.  And it seems like most programs to teach kids with autism skills count on this.  I don't know if Janey is unusual in there really not being a motivator for her that is usable as a reward.  I know she's not totally alone there----I'm thinking of you, Lindsey, and wondering if others have experienced this with their girls.

In some ways, I admire Janey.  She doesn't have the monkey on her back that almost all of us have---desire for what we don't have.  The things she loves most in life are free things---playing silly games with Mama or Daddy or her brothers, listening to the right song at the right time, being out and about and seeing the world.  But today, as I walked around the Target and looked at all the toys and snacks and stickers and countless things that would have been a huge reward to me (and still would be, to be truthful), I wished very much that teaching Janey could be achieved with something I could buy.