The title says it all. This past weekend with Janey was the best one we've ever had with her.
Janey, all weekend long, was happy. Not manic happy, but very, very happy in a contented, sweet way. There was not a single moment of tears or screaming. She was smiling pretty much all the time. It was amazing, truly amazing. I would have given anything to be able to see this weekend during some of our darkest times.
We were able to do things that we are never able to do. We took Janey to a new food place, Wahlburgers, and got takeout, which took a little while, and then ate it outside in the city. I felt like I was living someone else's life. We went to Savers, and Tony was prepared to take Janey out, for a ride or walk or whatever to keep her happy. Instead, she was happy AT the Savers. For 90 minutes. Happy looking around, laughing, talking....amazing. We sat back on Sunday night and watched two hours of old Family Feud episodes. Janey watched with us, or played with her iPad, all in perfect contentment. She slept well, she ate well....she was beyond a delight.
And of course, I want to figure it out. What was different? How can I capture what happened and repeat it?
I have a few theories. I think she's very, very happy at school this year, and that translates to happy at home. I wonder if she has pain of some sort a lot of the time, and it was gone for the weekend. It was the first cool weekend of fall, and perhaps she loves fall and hates the heat, like me. Tony and I had little else going on, and gave her a lot of attention. We were both happy, after a long week, and she picks up on emotions tremendously. Who knows? I almost hate to write about the weekend, for fear of the jinx, but I had to.
There were lots of times when I thought it would never be like this. There were weeks and months and even years where it was so hard I honestly sometimes felt I couldn't go on. And however hard it was for me, I know it was so much harder for Janey. No-one should ever be unhappy as much as she was. I have so much joy when I see her happy. It makes me realize that is all that matters with her. The autism makes no difference. The intellectual disability makes no difference. It's her happiness that makes the difference.
I will try not to over-analyze. I just wanted to record this weekend before it slipped into the vast territory of past time. I wanted to have a record of how it can be. And I wanted to thank Janey, and tell her I hope with all my heart that happiness like she has had lately can be the default state for the rest of her life.