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Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I think maybe I am really getting depressed. It's probably lack of sleep, and just the daily grind which isn't just Janey, but many things. I am crying at the drop of a hat and just feel completely overwhelmed. I found this link which explains part of what I am feeling.

and has a lot of other mothers talking. If it were just Janey I think I could handle it, but it's also money issues, dealing with Freddy who isn't happy lately and can be very tough at times, making sure William gets the time he needs, worrying about the house, even worry about Schemer the cat who is not doing well. I really don't think most people know how hard life is feeling for me. I don't like to say how hard it is, that is probably why. I believe in being cheerful and making the best of things. I don't even know what would help at this point. Nothing would help, I don't think. No-one can watch Janey, no-one feels up to it and I don't blame them---it's too hard even for a whole school to watch her sometimes. Tony is at work so much of the time. I don't like to give in to self-pity this way. But this is my place to write, I guess, if others read it it's because they want to, so I will try not to feel guilty about even expressing my depression here. There is no-one to talk to who understands. People can say "Oh, I know how hard it is for you, I wish I could help" but none of them really can help. People have their own lives. Seeing a therapist is not going to help, unless they plan on coming here and giving me a break now and then, and on giving me some money to get us out of debt. Bills yesterday and a new $300 worth of medical bills just for Freddy's last illness, plus a hit of $70 at the pharmacy yesterday for his drugs. I think a lot of people would be stressed just by Freddy's asthma, and that doesn't even merit much thought, except to make sure he's okay each day. Just one extra thing.

Oh, well, have to get Janey to school.

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