Janey had a tough week last week, but knock on wood, it appears to be over. It happens like that time and time again---a rough time, followed by a cheerful time. And the cheerful times are longer, lately, which is wonderful, but it doesn't make the crying weeks any easier or more able to be explained. It does help, though, to know they seem to resolve themselves. When Janey has a tough week, it affects everyone around her, both at home and at school, and when she cheers up, everyone around her cheers up too. The principal told me today what a good day Janey had had, after her tough week. It amazes me that she has over 200 students but still is able to notice Janey's moods and take the time to tell me---that's a sign of a very caring principal. And also a sign of how strongly Janey's moods project themselves.
I wish I knew what caused the tough times. I've asked myself that here over and over. They come out of the blue, storm over us and go away, like a winter snowstorm. I do think there is something cyclical about them, something a little bi-polar in a way. But I also think they feed on themselves. I think when Janey starts to cry, it bothers even her. After all, she has to live with the crying at every single moment, and she probably has no idea what is causing it either. It's a lot to ask her to calm down. She has no idea how to, and she is mentally much like a 2 year old in the middle of a tantrum.
We are still on edge a little. When a storm has just passed, we always are jumpy that we are just in a lull, and she will start the crying again. I think she feels that way too. Driving home tonight, she was upset by the music I was playing, and I could see her trying hard not to get hysterical. She looked nervous---a look I've never quite identified in her before. She was crying in little puffs---trying to not let it out. I think she was thinking (non-verbally, probably) "Here we go again. I can't start the whole crying bit over. But I don't like the music. I don't know how to get that across. I've got to stay in control..." It was painful to see. I try to give her the words "I don't think you like that version of Jingle Bells. I can put on another one" She looked relieved, for a minute, but then something was wrong with the new version, something she couldn't explain. Not being able to use words at times like that would be enough to make anyone cry. I guess in some ways, it's more amazing that she's happy as much as she is than that she gets sad sometimes.