I liked this post from a blog by an autism dad, about how low functioning autism is like a cough. I haven't tried all the things he has, but I suspect the results would be the same if I did. Here's the post...
Today is one of those discouraged day. They come along at random sometimes, not relating really to how Janey is doing on any particular day. She is fine today, but I am feeling tired and overwhelmed. Same old same old----how tiring it is having a 2 year old in an 8 year old's body, how hard it is seeing how much so many people are working on Janey learning and how hard it is anyway for her to learn, how frustrating it is to have her so un-toilet trained most of the time, how little can be explained to her, how no matter how used to it I get, how upsetting it still can be when people stare at Janey in public, how endless it all is---how it will not end at some future date, but will go on forever. How there is no way that this a fun trip to Holland. How it just isn't fair to Janey. How despite trying not to think this way, I blame myself for Janey's autism, or rather blame my body for being so bad at being pregnant. How I have a million fears for Janey's future. How tired I get sometimes of her making her autistic sound, or watching the same videos hundreds of times, of never ever being able to do simple family things like go out to dinner or go to a movie, NEVER, how worn out I am. How I read some of my old posts where I am being positive and think "Yeah, who are you fooling? you can try all you want, but this isn't fun. This isn't positive for anyone, most of all Janey"
So that's enough of that. People do tell me they like the honesty of this blog. So once in a while, I'll just let it out and be honest even when I don't have anything particularly cheery or helpful to say. Unless it's helpful to someone to know that other parents of autistic kids get very discouraged too.
Rarer in Girls...Life with my daughter Janey, who is twenty and severely autistic
2 comments:
You have every right to feel the way you do -- being a mother is tough; being a mom to a special needs child is even more so. You are the *best* mom for your little girl…do what you can to give yourself a small break. It's often times hard to see the good moments in the flurry of bad/hard ones. I tell myself it's a marathon, not a race…we need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of our girls.
((Hugs)) to you...
I totally understand how you feel and I think you have a lot of grace to admit it. My daughter is only 2.5, I can't predict where she will be at 8, but if she doesn't progress much from where she is now I can only imagine how defeated I will feel. We can only live one day at the time and play the cards we are dealt. But I don't think we have to always like it...
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