My imaginary trip into Janey's mind

I try all the time to figure out what Janey's mind must be thinking, to get a better idea what it would feel like to be her.  Lately, I've been using analogies of a library or a computer to try to get her unique way of thinking.

The library first----I picture myself walking into the library that is Janey's mind.  The first thing I notice is how many books there are.  There are books with lines from pretty much every video she's seen, every song she's heard, every conversation she's been present for.  There are books all over.  So, I try to look up a subject I want to read more about, and notice that there is next to no cataloging system.  No computer guides, no card catalogs, no librarians at the desk to guide me.  There is maybe a very general guide up on the wall to the rough area the books I might need are, but that's all.  So I wander at random, hoping to find what I need.  Frustrated, I mutter out loud "Where's the books about kings?"  Suddenly, a pile of books appear before me.  They all contain information on kings---there's one about We Three Kings, one about King Friday, one about the King of Joke-a-Lot, one about Burger King.  None of them might have what I'm exactly looking for, but I can recite a lot of lyrics, or suddenly get hungry for onion rings, or request a video out of the blue.  While I'm trying to figure out what to do next, there's a noise I don't expect.  Maybe it's a fire alarm, or a truck outside, or a crackling paper far away, but I hear it, and it distracts me from any more looking.  It's very distressing, not being able to find what I want, and I give up and cry.

Or the computer.  Janey's mind is a computer with a huge hard drive.  It's crammed full of hard info---as much raw information as any 8 year old would have, and more than many.  However, there are several problems.  The processing speed of the computer, the ability to connect and manipulate and interpret the data, is hugely slow.  It's like a 286 motherboard with a 1TB hard drive.  There is also only the most minimal of search engines.  It works like the old ads for Bing search used to, in making fun of Google---you search for "cat", and get all cat information from anywhere "The Cat in the Hat!"  "Cats at my house!"  "The Cat that Looked at the Queen"  "Cattails!"  It's also very hard to add certain kinds of information to the computer.  It has trouble storing pictures, much preferring audio files.  The greatest strength of this computer, though, is its music files.  They play more smoothly than almost anything else. The computer freezes up often when you try to do too much at once, and needs rebooting.  And programs that work one day might not the next, depending on what subroutines are running.  The computer is prone to viruses---if you type in commands in a harsh tone, or let it run too long, or vary the power, it just won't work.

These are guesses.  I don't know if either of these analogies are anything like Janey's mind, but I think they might be.  I use them to try to figure out how best to help Janey.  The crucial thing both mind models need is a better working search engine.  I need to figure out how to let Janey access what she knows.  I need also to minimize noise or viruses or anything that will slow down her systems.  I need to let her make use of the areas that she has in excess---to help her use her auditory memory and musical memory to help find information, and I need to find a way to help her increase her visual skills.  I need to try, slowly and gently, to do some construction and organizing at the library or some upgrading with the computer, to help her still be the same Janey I love, but to build on what she already has.

"I'm just here for the Yo Gabba Gabba!"

One of the interesting parts of having a blog is being able to see stats on it.  I try not to get hung up on them.  I don't really write this blog to get stats, or to count up how many followers I have, or so on.  Mostly, I write it because I have to---because when I am overwhelmed with the life of a mother of a child with autism, I have to write.  I've always reacted to life's tougher moments that way, which is why high school required about 10 diaries worth of writing for me, none of which I hope anyone ever reads, unless you are very interested in hearing about what boys talked to me in study hall or on the bus, with detailed analysis of what they were wearing and what they REALLY were saying between the lines and what a nasty person the new girl they are going out with is...you get the picture.  I write because I am compelled to write.

Lately, however, in looking at the stats for this blog, I see a huge amount of new people looking at it, and almost all of them are here because of a post I wrote about Yo Gabba Gabba, in which I included some pictures.  I guess some search engine directs people looking for Yo Gabba Gabba information to here.  I wonder if they are kind of disappointed by the extreme lack of solid info on DJ Lance Rock and the crew once they get here.  If you are one of those readers, I wanted to just say "hi" to you, and to say---stick around and read a little about autism, if you wish.

You might be saying now "No, sister, I have no interest in autism.  My kid is fine.  Maybe a little seriously into the whole gang of monsters on Yo Gabba, but no autistic!"  And I say---I know.  I have some non-autistic kids myself.  But chances are, whether you have a child with autism or not, if the current statistics don't lie, you are going to be encountering some kids with autism along the way.  They maybe be included in your child's class, or they might be in a special class at their school.  You might see them at the playground, or at the beach, or on a bus.  You might have one as a niece or nephew, or the child of a friend.  But unless you live in a world very unlike mine, you will intersect at some point with autism.  And you might want to learn more about it.  It's a pretty interesting world, if I might say so.  It's also a tough world.  Maybe that glazed-eyed woman in your office is dealing with an autistic child.  Maybe that kid at the grocery store throwing a tantrum is a poster child for the autistic spectrum.  Maybe the boy in the class your daughter is telling you about, the one that only wants to talk about bridges or Thomas the Tank Engine or flags of the nations, maybe they are autistic.  They are out there everyplace!

So, if you happened on this blog but you don't have a child with autism, welcome!  Before I had a child with autism, I read a lot about it, just because it was interesting to me.  The reality of autism is not quite as interesting as reading about it was, but I understand if you are just curious, if you just want to glimpse another way of thinking.  And if you learn a little about what the autistic world is like, all the better!