Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'm feeling sad tonight. Janey lost a tooth yesterday. It had been loose for a few days---I only happened to notice it because I saw her lip had a little blood on it, and saw a tooth was loose, her first one. She played around with it for a couple days, and last night, when she was right next to me, it must have fallen out and gotten swallowed, as I couldn't find it. She seemed fine last night. I had a few moments then, thinking about the Tooth Fairy. I didn't attempt any Tooth Fairy action---without a tooth, she'd understand it even less than she would otherwise, and to be honest, she wouldn't get it a bit even with the tooth. And she has no idea what money is, and is indifferent about presents, so I just decided to skip it. I was okay with that. But tonight, as I was trying to get her to sleep, she kept saying something I didn't get at first. Finally I realized it was "Tooth!". She grabbed my hand and put it where the tooth had been. Over and over and over and over and over. I knew what she was asking---where the heck is that tooth? Why is there this gap in my mouth? How can something that is part of my body just be gone like that? She kept looking at me with a scared, questioning look. I told her over and over all I could think of that she might understand---"Everyone loses teeth! Mama lost some teeth when she was 6, William lost teeth, Freddy lost teeth, Daddy lost teeth, even kitties lost teeth! A new tooth is already coming! It's okay---don't worry!" But God knows what she understands of that. Very little, I think. All she knows is that something has changed, and she doesn't know why. And that look on her face just about did me in. I can't help her. I can't say the words to make it better, because words don't work with her. I can hold her, and snuggle her, and try to protect her. But there are going to be so many times in her life like this. And some day, I won't be there. And my poor baby girl is going to some day be scared and not have anyone there that can understand her. And that is just almost unbearable.