Summer memories

Today was the day I think of as the first day of summer---the first day of the first full week without school.  I will be totally honest and say it's a day I dread.  I've never, ever liked summer much.  I don't like the heat or the lack of routine.  With Janey, a summer day can feel endless.  I am very grateful for summer school, which starts in two weeks.  But today---it was a long day.  Janey screamed a lot, cried a lot, just was very out of sorts.  I felt out of ideas for the whole summer by nine in the morning.

Tonight, looking back on today, I realized something interesting.  Janey knew what the day was.  She knew it was the start of summer.  I realized that because of what she asked for.  First thing in the morning, she wanted to walk to the "ice cream store".  That was our routine last summer, almost every day, to walk to the convenience store about 5 houses down and get something to eat.  We did that.  A bit later, she went into her bathing suit drawer and pulled out her suit, and said "want to go swimming?"  She didn't really want to go, and resisted once I tried to put the suit on (I was going to do the backyard wading pool), but that's another summer routine.  Later, near time for Tony to come home, she put on her shoes and said "Go see Daddy?"  Again, something we did very often last summer---walked to the train station to meet Tony as he came home.  We haven't done it since last summer.  Lastly, she then asked "Get Chinese rice?'  Yet another thing from last summer---having Tony bring home Chinese food often.

I don't know how it made me feel that Janey remembered all that.  It made me feel sort of guilty, that her summer memories are of such mundane things.  It made me realize how much she gets routines, and how often when she's upset, it might be that a routine that I didn't even know was in place was broken.  It made me think about how much goes on in her head that I have no way to access, and how boring life might often seem for her.

I wish I could do more with Janey in the summer.  But there are so few things she can actually tolerate and enjoy, more so now that she is older and bigger.  There are splash parks around, but they are filled with toddlers and preschoolers.  Janey is the size of an adult, and unpredictable around younger kids.  There's all kinds of camps and programs---none of which are able or willing to take Janey, except for the ESY summer program at her school.  Any store or museum or library or pretty much any public venue, I can't do alone with Janey, even if she did enjoy them for more than a minute or so, which she usually doesn't.  The Thomas Land park was great, but I would not even do that alone, even if it wasn't an hour away and very costly.  So, much of the time, we stay home.

With that being said, I am hugely looking forward to later this week.  We are taking a trip!  Tony and Janey and I are going on a road trip to see a friend I met through this blog and her family! (the boys are staying home to care for the house and cats and so on)  I've arranged it so we don't drive more than 4 hours in a day, and we are staying at hotels with pools.  We are going to keep everything as low key as possible.  I still am not sure how it will go with Janey, but I hope well.  She does like the car, and hotels. If it goes well, it's the kind of trip Tony and I both want to do a lot more of. Maybe someday we will visit more of you that read this blog, if you want us to! (We'd stay at a hotel, of course!)  So wish us luck in making some new summer memories for Janey.  I plan to blog the road trip, or at least post on the Facebook group each day, hopefully with good news of good times!

The Happiest Day

This past Saturday, we went to a little amusement park called Thomas Land.  It's an offshoot of a long beloved Massachusetts attraction, Edaville Railroad.  It's aimed probably at the 3-6 year old demographic, an age we don't have a representative of, but William when he was that age was one of the world's biggest Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends fan, so even now that he is 21, he had an urge to take in the park.  We took Janey along not at all sure how she'd feel about it, but wanting to give it a try.

Well, I would have to say it was Janey's happiest day ever, as the video above of her extremely happy flapping shows.  It was amazing, astonishing, purely wonderful.  She was happy, and often overjoyed, the entire time we were there.  She and Tony rode almost every ride, she danced to the music playing in the park, she rode the Thomas train twice, and even when we were just sitting to rest, she beamed at William like we've never seen before.

Janey looking at her brother William with a hero worship look!

I have to admit I'm not really an amusement park person.  I don't like rides, especially anything that goes around in circles, and I don't like the high prices of the food and souvenirs and park entry.  I almost sort of prided myself on thinking my kids would feel as I did..."Janey has some pretty sophisticated tastes.  She's not into things like amusement parks".  I was wrong.  And I'm very glad I was.

Janey's unprompted wave from the elephant ride

My friend Rebecca sent me a link to this blog post, written by a woman with autism about how strongly she feels joy in the things she loves, what she calls the "obsessive joy" of autism.  It make me think a lot.  I don't think I've ever, ever been as happy as Janey was at the park for as long as she was.  With me, there would always be something holding back the joy a little, even when I was 11 as she is.  I'd worry socially---were the people with me happy?  I'd worry about safety---was the ride going to fall over?  I'd worry about how long
we'd stay---was someone going to make me leave before I wanted to?  I'd worry about food---when were we going to eat?  What would I get to have?  I'd worry about the ride home, about the weather, about anything and everything.  Admittedly, I'm a worrier (less now than at that age, but still...) but I think it's a common thing to have our joy measured with worry or care.  I know Janey has worries and cares, but I think she's able to focus on happiness when happiness is what she is feeling.

Thomas in all his glory!

The world is a scary place lately.  I've read a lot about what people are doing to explain the events in Orlando to their kids.  Sometimes, I am glad I don't have to do that with Janey.  She is unaware of world events.  I'm glad of littler things.  She will be going to a new school for summer school (back to her old school in the fall, but summer school works differently) and I am nervous about that.  Janey isn't.  I don't know if she understood me when I told her about the change, but either way, I am pretty sure she doesn't worry much about the future.  She is very sad in the moment when she is sad, but she is also very happy in the moment that she is happy.  I'm not saying it's a better way to be, or a "gift" of autism, but it simply is what it is, and I am happy she can be that happy.

We might get a season pass next year to Thomas Land.  I don't know if any day will be as special as this past one, but I am pretty sure we'll be visiting Thomas, Percy, James, Toby and all the crew for years to come.